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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616963">Reverberation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alteirkay/pseuds/alteirkay'>alteirkay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past and Present, eventually, levihan - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:22:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alteirkay/pseuds/alteirkay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi’s grey eyes watched her seriously, and with caution. He was giving her all his attention, focused on the words that were about to leave her mouth. Hanji thought that was the actual reason why they were so close. Because when no one cared to hear a word from her Levi listened to her telling stories of gods and goddesses, heroes and villains, ancient people and ancient folks, tales of love and tales of hatred. When no one bothered seeing her colours, Levi sat down in front of her and let her paint everything she ever wanted.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boy sits on top of the rooftop.  </p><p>Hanji wonders why she is so fascinated by the view of a boy about her age. All he does is watching above and there is not even a token of emotion written on his face. He looks like he is reading a book in which he is not a bit interested, yet the mere fact that he is holding pages in his palms is enough for him.</p><p>She hasn’t seen anyone who has spared just a few minutes of their precious time to watch the sky, through her eleven years of a lifetime that is. Just like she hasn’t seen anyone going crazy when they find out that there was a frog in Indonesia which had no lungs, so it breathed entirely through its skin. Oh, it was so very exciting and bewitching and she had barely slept dreaming about it. Hanji would <em>die</em> to see that frog. She had begged her parents for about a week for them to take her to Indonesia. <em>Mommy, mommy, please! I want to go there. I need to see that frog. It is breathing through its skin mom. How fascinating is that? </em>Hanji, darling you know you can’t. You have school.<em> I don’t have school in the summer! </em>But Indonesia is so far away honey. It on the other side of the world.<em> Oh, oh! That’s even better. I want to go to the other side of the world! Mommy please, please!</em> </p><p>Too bad her efforts had given no fruit. She hasn’t given up on her dream yet, though. She just had to postpone it for a little while.</p><p>She approaches the boy cautiously. Because maybe this is his area and it is her first time here, so she doesn’t want to be seen as an invader. She had been walking around the town aimlessly when she came across this abandoned building. Its construction is uncompleted, there are no windows and doors, and the orange bricks on the walls are uncovered, free of paint. Hanji knew that sneaking into a hollow, and a relatively eery building was sort of perilous, but it was also thrilling. It had made her feel like she was a member of the Paul Street Boys. Although the setting was kind of distinct and she was alone. But it had never stopped her from discovering. And when she had climbed the concrete, grey stairs she had found the mystery boy here. </p><p>There is the <em>not-quite-unfortunate</em> fact that she cannot get along well with boys. They are rude, and filthy and egoistic. They walk around like they are the reincarnations of Achilles like no one is good enough for them. They are no sons of gods or goddesses. <em>How pathetic</em>. But she senses that there is something different with this one. Because he watches the sky, and the stars stare down at him. Hanji feels like she is observing a painting or reading <em>Percy Jackson</em> for the first time. It causes her nerves to stand, her insides to shake and she knows she cannot hold herself back. A step away from the rabbit hole, she imagines and feels like this is Wonderland and she is fool but also curious enough to fall down.</p><p>“Hi!” She twitters suddenly.</p><p>The boy doesn’t seem surprised or taken aback at hearing someone talking to him out of the blue. Maybe he had already known that Hanji was here. It only makes him more intriguing and Hanji hardly stops herself from bouncing on her feet. For a moment he observes her. His eyes are the colour of the moon, argent but they also have a touch of blue. Not too light but not too dark either. Closer to the sky when the night just begins to settle down. More like it is right now.</p><p>“Hey,” he says, dryly.</p><p>
  <em>No rejection. That’s a good start. </em>
</p><p>“May I sit?”</p><p>The boy merely shrugs then turns his gaze back at the sky. Hanji takes it as a positive reaction and sits down next to him, carefully putting some distance away between herself and the boy. She opts to watch the view spread out before her first. This is a partially remote area of the town. The buildings are disorderly, and the streets do not seem fairly clean. Hanji wants to travel her hand on top of the buildings to feel the ups and downs of the rooftops on her palm. The image makes her giggle to herself. Ah, how nice it would be, wouldn’t it? Too bad it was impossible.</p><p>She feels the boy giving her a side glance, but he makes no remarks.</p><p>“Are you counting the stars?” She asks as she tilts her head back to watch them. There aren’t so many yet, but it would be hard to keep track of the numbers.</p><p>“No,” he replies. Curt and clear. He is not the one to talk, is he? Hanji muses inside. </p><p>“My grandmother used to say that it would make calluses to appear on your skin. Have you heard about it as well? I think it is a superstition though—”</p><p>“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” the boy interrupts. That is the first time he has used more than a word! Success. <em>Good for you, Hanji</em>. She pats her shoulder in her head proudly.</p><p>Hanji opens her mouth to respond but he beats her to it. “You can’t count infinity,” he says. “It is a waste of time.”</p><p>Hanji inhales.  </p><p>At this point, she is so near the edge to burst with her bubbling excitement that she is sure he feels it too. Her head spins as she stares at his side profile. He makes her feel like she is on a carousel. Everything about him makes her dizzy as if he is one of those books on her father’s library which she cannot reach and cannot understand even if she does. He doesn’t look at her. He has an undercut, she notices, dark hair moving in harmony with the wind. His attire is clean, neat and tidy. His face has the smooth lines of a child but there is a lining of maturity underneath them. And the way he holds himself, upright but also at ease. Nothing about him is fake, superficial or ordinary.</p><p>“What’s your name?” She asks as a grin spreads on her lips uncontrollably. </p><p>He moves his sharp eyes to her at last and he travels his gaze around her face. It is so hard to read anything from his features. Like looking at the blurry surface of a mirror and trying to figure out the lines of the face in it. And she fears that he won’t answer. Was he annoyed with her? But she hasn’t even reached the peak of her usual talkativeness, yet.</p><p>“It’s Levi.”</p><p>She nearly gasps for she had been very close to convincing herself that the boy had disliked her very much. Levi. It is a nice name, and it suits his personality somehow. Despite the fact that she had only known him for what? Five minutes? Maybe even less than that. But Hanji can tell.</p><p>“I’m Hanji,” she says her name back even though he hasn’t asked. Slowly put one Lego on top of it the other. Bring them all together and there, you have a castle. “Say, Levi, would you like to learn more about the sky?”</p><p>The boy doesn’t answer with words. He looks back above and shrugs. </p><p>But that’s more than enough for her. </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>now</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hanji’s phone rings in the middle of an important meeting. </p><p>Frankly, it is not that big of a problem. It happens to everyone every now and then. And her phone doesn’t even ring with a melody, it merely vibrates on the wooden table. Though it does make a hell of a lot of noise. Yet, the only way to overcome the situation is to simply reach out and silence it in a cold-blooded way, like nothing ever happened. That she does, without a nuisance. </p><p>The actual problem here is the name on the screen of her phone, and the fact that her hand was trembling as she pressed the button. Suddenly the air becomes too heavy, too hot and the room too narrow to fit inside. She distinctively feels Mr Jaeger’s piercing gaze from across the table. It is always hard to hide subtle changes of behaviour from a man as sharp as him. But Hanji is a professional and there is no way she can allow a slight disturbance to avoid her from focusing on her job. She imagines herself flicking her fingers aggressively as if to wake herself up from a deep slumber like she is buried deep in thick fog. <em>Concentrate.</em></p><p>The blurry whiteness disappears gradually, her vision becomes clear and the deadlock in her ears leaves. But the name remains on her screen even after the ringing stops and she has to grip her pen tight enough to make the shivers go away.</p><p>-</p><p>The next time her phone rings there are several minutes to her lunch break. She shifts her attention from her computer screen to the phone and she just stares at the name, as if she looks long enough the letters will change or they will disappear, or she will wake up from this dreary sleep.</p><p>None of those happens, the machine keeps ringing on her desk, her heart slams against her ribcage, and her hands tremble yet again as she types numbers on her keyboard.</p><p>The vibrations cease after a while, but the cramps in her stomach don’t.</p><p>-</p><p>During her lunch break, Hanji goes out to the terrace for some fresh air. It is early spring; the weather is not quite cold but it’s somewhat chilly. The wind which blows occasionally disperses her hair as she leans her elbows on the railing. The terrace is high up on the building. She can easily watch the white, mushy clouds on the smooth, blue sky. Whether it is funny or tragic she cannot decide, that after all those years whenever she looks up at the sky, she still thinks about him.</p><p>“Yo, Hanji.” Zeke Jeager comes to stand next to her putting a cigarette on his mouth and using his Zippo to light it. </p><p>“Good afternoon, Mr Jeager,” Hanji greets, smiling in return as the man takes a deep breath from his smoke. His dark, yellow hair is untidy with the wind, and his glasses reflect the midday sun.</p><p>“Just call me Zeke when we are alone,” he says and shakes the ashes of the cigarette with his index finger causing them to fall from the railing. “I hate formalities.”</p><p>“But you are my very superior,” Hanji replies with amusement. </p><p>The corners of the man’s lips curl upwards when he takes another breath from his smoke. “I don’t care. You are almost as smart as me if not more.” He sends her a playful stare as he blows the smoke and Hanji laughs, but the act makes her stomach curl onto itself. Cheerfulness is the last thing she feels at the moment. </p><p>“You seem a little bit… different,” Zeke comments, just like Hanji predicted. Nothing escapes him. “Is something wrong?”</p><p>“No,” Hanji lies easily. She doesn’t feel like talking about it. She doesn’t even feel like thinking about it. It makes her uneasy, and it fills her with apprehension and distress whenever the name on the phone screen comes before her eyes. She shakes her head. She needs to convince herself first. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Zeke mutters thoughtfully. He doesn’t believe her and it’s not like she expected him to. “I mean, I won’t say no if you ever need a drink,” he shrugs, and the gest reminds her of him so much that she feels a gulp shaping in her throat. </p><p>“Are you possibly flirting with me?” Hanji asks playfully, with a need to distract her mind from the wide field of dreary thoughts and memories. </p><p>“I don’t know. Is it working?” Zeke plays along and Hanji laughs again, this time more genuinely. “But I’m your <em>very superior</em>, so I guess not.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she says, her smile still evident on her lips. “Don’t take it personally.”</p><p>Zeke shakes his head as he puts the smoke between his lips again. He has a nice profile. A fine line of a bearded jaw, sharp cheekbones, soft-looking, bushy hair, pretty nose and a pair of nice lips. Eyes are a light blue mixed with green. A complete opposite, Hanji notices. </p><p>“Whatever it is,” Zeke continues after blowing out the white smoke. “It’s obvious that it affects you but don’t let it affect your work.”</p><p>“Of course,” Hanji nods.</p><p>“Hanji!” A female voice cuts in their conversation. Hanji turns around to see it’s Pieck. She waves at her from the door. “What are you doing here? Let’s go have lunch!”</p><p>“Yo, Pieck-chan,” Zeke waves at her cheerfully, grinning wide as they both walk up to where she is. “How are you?”</p><p>“Hungry,” Pieck replies, then turns to Hanji. “Come on. I’ve been looking for you.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Hanji apologizes. They always have lunch together with Pieck, but with her mind a muddle of emotions she had forgotten all about it. </p><p>“See you later then ladies,” Zeke, bids them goodbye and leaves then they both start to walk in the direction of the cafeteria.</p><p>“Is he bothering you?” Pieck asks as soon as Zeke is out of their hearing zone. “I can talk to him if he does. He is not as tough as he looks, and I have the material in my hand to sabotage him.”</p><p>Hanji laughs heartily for the first time that day. Pieck and Zeke are old friends, and she uses it every chance she gets. “There is no need for that. We were just talking but thank you.”</p><p>“Talking about what?” Hanji feels Pieck observing her face, looking for a hint. “Did he also realize that your mood is kind of sour today?”</p><p>Hanji’s smile freezes on her face. She hadn’t been as subtle as she thought she had as it seems. She opens her mouth to object, to array excuses like <em>I’m just tired</em> or <em>couldn’t sleep well</em> and change the subject. </p><p>“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Pieck assures, bumping her shoulder lightly to hers. “It’s just unusual to see you like this.”</p><p>“Right,” Hanji adjusts her glasses and pushes herself for a slight movement on her lips. Upwards. “There is nothing to worry about.”</p><p>Her dark eyes travel around her face, searching Hanji’s gaze and she tries hard not to look away. Pieck is suspicious and Hanji knows she is not quite convinced when she says, “Okay.” But she doesn’t press upon the matter either. “I’ll be here if you want to talk about it.”</p><p>“I know,” Hanji smiles, genuinely this time. “Thank you, Pieck.”</p><p>-</p><p>Hanji watches her reflection in the mirror and sees the reason why everyone could tell that she had been in low spirits today. </p><p>“This shouldn’t have affected me that much,” she mutters and splashes cold, icy water on her face. Her glasses rest next to the sink, the hair on the side of her face and the tips of her forehead gets wet. Her soul feels heavy to carry, her heart uneasy and her stomach like it’s wrapped with thousands of sharp thorns.</p><p>Inside her head, there is an earthquake. It rumbles, rocks and causes the old shelves stuffed with dusty memories to be dishevelled all around. Yellow paged books lie open on the ground. It has been so long since she had let herself read a word from them. Now they force her to read the tale from the very beginning. And it doesn’t help that she already knows them all by heart.</p><p>“The temperature at the sun’s core is about 27 million degrees Fahrenheit,” she whispers, gripping the edge of the cold, white marble. </p><p>“The Moon’s distance from Earth is about 240.000 miles.</p><p>The globular cluster NGC 6397 is almost as old as the universe itself.</p><p>Mercury is the fastest planet,” she continues with quick whispers. “Daytime Temperatures can reach 439 degrees Celsius and drop to -180 degrees Celsius at night. </p><p>Ceres takes 1.682 Earth days, or 4.6 Earth years, to make one trip around the sun. </p><p>Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun at an average distance of about 228 million km or 1.52 AU.”</p><p>Hanji closes her eyes and imagines the space. Infinite, black and yet aglow with suns, stars and moons—galaxies, clusters and planets.</p><p>The worn pages of the books rustle in her head. A distraction, a nuisance that came out of nowhere. <em>Why?</em> She thinks for the nth time that day. <em>Why is he calling me now? After all those years, why now?</em></p><p>“This cannot be ill, cannot be good” she murmurs. </p><p>Then laughs to herself. <em>Quoting Shakespeare again?</em> he belittles her in her mind.</p><p>She shakes her head as if to erase his ghost from her mind. “Cannot be good,” she repeats. But she has never run for no reason, she has never let life win over without girding herself with arms. She has never been coward enough to hide. </p><p>It might be nothing. Maybe a simple call for a quick hello. Five minutes of conversation would do her no harm. It might be nothing, but it might be something too. There is only one way to figure it out. </p><p>She straightens, puts on her glasses and adjusts her clothes. Blinks her eyes a few times until she makes sure they are not blank as an empty, grey wall. Until the fire inside that is close to dying out, flare up again. After that, she lifts her hands to either side of her face and slaps her cheeks, “Okay,” she says, nodding at herself in the mirror.</p><p>Then turns around on her heels and walks out of the door.</p><p>-</p><p>He calls again when she is out of work and waiting for a bus at the stop.</p><p>She is tranquil, somehow, as she looks at the screen. Maybe it’s because she has made her mind earlier today that if he is to call again, she would answer this time. And she does.</p><p>“Hey,” she greets.</p><p>“Hey, Hanji.” His voice is rough and coarse. It sounds older than she has last heard him. “What’s up?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Hanji swings a leg absentmindedly. “How about you, Kenny?”</p><p>“’m fine too,” Kenny replies. She tries to imagine him with long, dark hair and a smug grin on his face. Although the years had rubbed out the picture of the man she has known it is easier than she had expected. </p><p>“Sorry, I couldn’t answer earlier,” Hanji says, half-lie, half-sincere. “I was busy at work.”</p><p>“Nah, don’t worry about it, kid,” Kenny slides over and Hanji smiles slightly at the way he calls her. “I thought you’d be busy. But, eh, you see… I had to… call you,” he sighs. “Didn’t know who else to call.”</p><p>“Why?” She starts to feel the thorns again. Her body tenses involuntarily. A car sweeps by scattering her hair and clothes. “What’s wrong? Is he—"</p><p>Kenny sighs again and she hears his breath tremble. Above, the stars are hidden behind the grey, mobile clouds. The moon is a thin crescent. Strangers pass by, a bus stops, takes a few passengers and carries on. A breeze blows and the leaves rustle. </p><p>And Hanji feels like she is eleven again, watching the stars with a boy she barely knows. </p><p><em>You can’t count infinity</em>, he had said. <em>It is a waste of time.</em></p><p>
  <em>They are no longer there.</em>
</p><p>“Kuchel,” Kenny begins. <em>Cannot be good</em>, Hanji thinks again and closes her eyes as he goes on with the dreadful news she had so feared to hear. “She is dead.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The girl has stardust in her eyes. </p><p>Her hair is messy, and her clothes are dirty with mud and dust. She wears round glasses and when she smiles, he sees one of her upper teeth is slightly twisted.</p><p>And she reminds him of the first time he had seen a shooting star. </p><p><em>Do you want to learn more about the sky?</em> The girl asks. Does he? He had never thought about it. He merely likes the experience of watching it while sitting or lying on his back with his arms under his head and a leg over the other in this abandoned, derelict building. It eases his mind when he is overwhelmed with school or family or friends or humans in general. He had most liked the fact that he had been alone all this time which was the actual purpose of this place anyway. </p><p>
  <em>But the girl has stardust in her eyes, and she is like that shooting star, and she holds the moon in her hands.</em>
</p><p>If she reminds him that much of the sky maybe she would make him feel like he is watching it too, he thinks as he looks back above and shrugs.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Cannot be ill.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"cannot be ill, cannot be good" is from Macbeth, Act I Scene III<br/>all the facts above are taken from NASA's website</p><p> </p><p>hope you enjoyed it, thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s dead.” </p><p>Levi’s unimpressed, vacant gaze observed the lifeless body of the bird lying in her palms. He held the door to their house with one hand and wore a sweatshirt over a pair of plain sweatpants. His straight, black hair was combed. </p><p>“Seems like it,” he confirmed, voice flat. Then looked at her eyebrows rising, but he didn’t seem quite curious. “What do you want to do with it?”</p><p>“Bury it, obviously,” Hanji replied. “I found it on my way here. I thought it was just wounded at first, but its heart isn’t beating.” She lifted the little body to her ears one more time, lips curled downwards, waiting to hear the sound of a silent heartbeat. She wore gloves so she didn’t feel its body temperature, but no doubt, there was not even a flutter of a beat coming from the body, it was dead.</p><p>“The snow is too thick,” Levi spoke as Hanji lowered her hands down with the bird. “You can’t reach the earth. Even if you do, you can’t make it halfway without having your hands get frozen.”</p><p>“But I can’t possibly leave it out in the snow like this, Levi!” Hanji objected, overcoming the urge to tap her foot furiously on the ground. She didn’t want to be seen as a grouchy child. </p><p>“Hanji, you’re supposed to be smart.” He folded his arms, locking his eyes with her. “Do you really want to take this risk?”</p><p>“You’re exaggerating,” Hanji frowned, responding to his gaze. “I won’t lose my hands. I am wearing gloves.”</p><p>“What a great protection,” Levi murmured sarcastically, then turned his head over his shoulder and shouted, “Mom!”</p><p>“Coming!” Levi’s mother responded from somewhere inside the house. Hanji supposed it was the kitchen. Delicious smells were coming to her nose. As Hanji had learnt from her earlier visits here, Kuchel was a great cook and a beautiful, kind woman. Much like her son’s opposite.</p><p>“Hanji!” She smiled at her widely when she came in a hurry, drying her hands in her apron. Her long, black hair was tied as a ponytail, and her blue eyes were shining warmly. “How are you darling? Oh, why are you standing there? Levi, why didn’t you invite her inside? Come on in, honey.” Before Hanji could say anything to reject her, she caught her arm and drew her inside, closing the door behind them. The house was warm, and she immediately felt her cold face lulling with it. “I’ve just made an apple tart. Take off your coat and come to the kitchen with Levi.”</p><p>Hanji was dizzy, listening to her rapidly putting one sentence behind the other. Kuchel didn’t notice the dead bird which was still lying in her palms and it was Levi who in the end stopped Kuchel just as she turned her back to get back to the kitchen. </p><p>“Mom,” Levi called. “Hanji wants to bury a dead bird.”</p><p>Kuchel looked at Hanji, with a somewhat surprised expression plastered on her face. She blinked her eyes a few times, “Oh,” she said as if she was trying to digest what Levi had just said. And when Hanji pulled her hands upwards, she finally saw the bird. “Oh!” she said again, as realization sunk in. “A bird!”</p><p>“A dead bird,” Levi deadpanned.</p><p>“I want to bury it,” Hanji said, after glaring at Levi for a few, intense seconds for good measure. “I can do it on my own though. I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”</p><p>“Ah, but Hanji, darling,” Kuchel sighed, she seemed like she was trying to find out ways to reject her without breaking her heart. “The snow—”</p><p>“I know,” Hanji interrupted. “But I don’t care. I can’t leave it on the cold like this.”</p><p>Kuchel’s eyes were soft as the summer clouds while they were looking at her, and there was a little smile on her lips. “You’re such a sweet, sweet child.”</p><p>“No, mom she’s such a weirdo,” Levi presented his own idea, his arms were still folded, and he looked bored out of his wits.</p><p>“Levi!” Kuchel chided him, her soft look was replaced with a frown. “That’s a very rude thing to say to your friend.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean it as an insult,” he defended himself.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s okay Mrs Ackerman,” Hanji nodded. “He knows he is as much of a weirdo himself too. So, I don’t really get offended when he says that.”</p><p>Kuchel was apparently confused, but she was most probably convinced about the fact that her son and his possibly the best and only friend were a pair of odd, little human beings. “You can just call me Kuchel, sweetheart,” she said, at last, smiling again.</p><p>Hanji spared a moment to think, swirling the name inside of her head until she was satisfied with how it sounded. Then nodded, beaming at her. “Okay.”</p><p>“Good,” Kuchel reached with her hand and patted her hair which was covered with a green knitted hat. </p><p>“What are we going to do about the bird?” Levi asked, emphasizing each word. They both turned their gazes on him to see him impatiently tapping his foot on the floor, one eyebrow high above the other.</p><p>“We’re going to bury it, of course,” Kuchel said before Hanji even opened her mouth to give a response. </p><p>“Haa?” Levi was shocked, eyes widening and his foot stilling its motion. “Mom! I called you here so that you could talk some sense into her!”</p><p>“What’s so senseless about burying a poor, dead bird?” Kuchel asked innocently and Hanji smirked, barely stopping herself from bouncing but she did throw Levi a triumphant look, making him even more irritated.</p><p>Levi was still more or less astonished, so he just stared at his mom as she removed her apron and folded it neatly. “Come on, little grump, go change your clothes. Put on something thick and warm. Wear gloves and a scarf.” Then she turned back to Hanji and winked. “You wait here, honey. We’ll be back in ten minutes.”</p><p>She walked away to climb the stairs and Levi finally moved, murmuring “Women,” under his breath as he followed his mother upstairs. Hanji just grinned, then leaning her back to the wall she knelt to a sitting position. “You’re going to have a funeral little bird,” she whispered and smiled woefully at the inanimate, still body of the dead animal inside of her palms.  </p><p>*</p><p>The three of them walked or rather struggled to walk on the thick, soft snow. Some parts were frozen which made the whole journey even more tough and risky. Hanji tried her best not to fall face down, which would also result in her crashing the innocent bird. But she put far too much focus on not dropping the bird rather than not crashing it so when she absentmindedly stepped on an iced part of the pavement, her supposedly sturdy boat slipped, and she lost her balance.</p><p>A panicked yelp escaped her mouth just as the world moved around her, she saw the blue, wide sky rather than the white, snowy road and readied herself for a harsh landing as her body locked itself and did nothing to save her from her situation. </p><p>A gloved hand caught her collar. “Watch out, idiot,” Levi hissed, drawing her close to him. She stared at him, blinking her eyes in shock as she was trying to decipher the events of the last few seconds. </p><p>“You saved me!” She exclaimed, eventually, looking at Levi as if he was the embodiment of a Marvel hero. </p><p>“Yeah, thank fuck for that,” he winced visibly as he checked his back to glance at his mother, face painted with pure fear but much to his relief Kuchel was way too occupied by trying to just walk so she didn’t seem like she had noticed anything. Also, she was far behind them, so she hadn’t possibly heard her son swearing. Levi sighed, relieved then glared at her. “Give me that damn bird.”</p><p>“Language,” she whispered harshly under her breath. Levi swore a lot for a boy in his age. Hanji thought it was most probably his uncle’s fault who lived with him and Kuchel. Levi didn’t accept it though. </p><p>“Give it to me,” he repeated. “Before you break your ass.”</p><p>Hanji scowled and almost pouted in annoyance but put the bird in Levi’s open palms. Her arms had been hurting as a result of carrying the bird in the same position for too long anyway. She shook them on her sides, wrinkling her face as she felt the pain spreading from her joints and shoulders to the rest of her arms. Then her hazel brown eyes turned to the bird again, lying motionless in Levi’s palms this time.</p><p>“Poor thing,” she sighed.</p><p>Levi observed it for several seconds, his sharp blue-grey eyes distant and thoughtful. Hanji wanted so bad to know what was going on inside of that raven-haired head. “We all have limited time,” he said at last.</p><p>Hanji hadn’t been expecting to hear that, so it caught her off-guard. It sounded way too gloomy coming from an eleven-year-old boy. And Hanji wondered if there was any specific story or event to push him to utter these words now. She wanted to ask but didn’t think he would answer. Talking to him sometimes made her feel like she was preying on a gazelle, trying to be as cautious as possible with her steps as to not scare and made it run away. </p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed for now, as another bird flew past above their heads, fluttering its wings and twittering as if it was lamenting for the dead. </p><p>-</p><p>They buried the bird under a big, old—ancient in fact—tree which was located in a park near Levi’s house. It was indeed hard to dig up the snow first and earth later. They had to take turns and rest every now and then for some blood to reach their fingertips. Hanji had taken her hat off and lied the bird on it, ignoring the fact that they were going to put it under the cold earth anyway. And everything was okay until they covered it with brown soil and then white snow. </p><p>After that something started to tickle her nose like she was going to sneeze. Then her eyes followed, they were also burning, and her lips curled downwards again, and she pressed them together as a gulp shaped in her throat and then pat—</p><p>Her vision was blurry but not because of the tears, but because there was snow on her glasses and her face was icy wet.</p><p>“Don’t start weeping like a baby.”</p><p>She heard Kuchel gasping in shock but couldn’t look at her for her eyes were tightly shut. Slowly, she took her glasses off then wiped her face in a deadly calm. Then used the tissue in her pocket to clean her glasses, she had taken it with her before she left home for she knew her glasses were going to get foggy one way or the other.</p><p>And then she put the glasses back on, in slow motion, cautiously. </p><p>Now that the world around her became full HD again, she could clearly see Levi’s sly smirk as well as Kuchel’s wide, bewildered eyes. “So, you wanna play it dirt, Ackerman?” she asked as she gathered snow in her hands and formed them as a big, fat ball. </p><p>“Afraid, Zoe?” Levi asked back as he copied her, making a snowball in a respective size.</p><p>“You wish.”</p><p>They threw the balls at the same time but both of them dodged the attack. Hanji immediately got up, already forming another ball in her hands. She took quick steps away from him and just as Levi stood up from where he was sitting, she pulled her arm back and threw the ball. And it hit him right on the head. His shoulders rose to his ears as he tilted his to the side. She was laughing victoriously when suddenly she tasted snow in her mouth. She spitted aggressively and had to swallow some of it, frankly, it didn’t taste that bad. Then she wiped her mouth with her sleeve, “Ugh, you little—” she grunted and crouched down again.</p><p>After that, it just became a vicious and bloody snowball fight. Neither of them was backing down, despite Kuchel’s warnings like, “Levi don't throw it to her face, you’ll break her glasses,” or like, “Slow down you two. You will get sick.” They didn’t listen to her though. Hanji was having so much fun, even though Levi was not holding himself back in any way. She had a ball to her face her head and chest countless times and they were very harsh ones at that. Yet she had also managed to hit Levi from the same places just as harshly. Her face was hurting from smiling and from the cold, but she was hot inside the coat and her sweater underneath. </p><p>“Okay, that’s enough,” Kuchel said, with a stricter tone this time. “Levi—”</p><p>A snowball to her face cut her sentence in half. It was her son who had thrown it, and she was solid as a rock for a second. Then she wiped her face and smiled viciously just like Levi did at the time. And Hanji thought the mother and the son had never looked this much alike. </p><p>“Oh, you’re so on, my boy,” Kuchel said and kneeled. </p><p>The three of them played snowball for the rest of the afternoon. Their laughter, screams and sometimes painful groans filling the air until they were exhausted to death. But as she laid down on the snow breathless, with a grin attached to her face as if it had no intention of leaving and watching the quiet movements of the clouds, she thought with all sincerity that it was worth every damn second of it. </p><p>-</p><p>Kuchel invited Hanji to their house after their intense snowball fight. Hanji accepted because she was too tired to walk back home and too hungry to gather enough strength in a short time. They took off their coats and wet socks. Kuchel helped them hanging the clothes on top of the heater. Hanji had to borrow a pair of socks from Levi and was very amused to see they were Sponge Bob themed.</p><p>“Don’t say a word,” Levi had stopped her coldly when he saw how her face had brightened up. </p><p>Currently, Hanji was sitting in their kitchen, as Kuchel was preparing hot chocolate for her from her own special recipe and Levi was making tea for himself. Hanji found it weird for an eleven-year-old boy to be so fond of tea but then again everything about Levi was kind of weird. She was getting used to it slowly. </p><p>“Good evening my dear family.” A man around his thirties stepped inside the kitchen, removing a black, bowler hat from his head. He was a tall and slim man, wearing a simple white shirt and black trousers. His eyes were a dark blue, and his hair was long, combed back. </p><p>“Welcome,” Kuchel greeted him shortly with a smile on her face before going back to her work. Levi merely tched quietly upon his uncle’s appearance then went on preparing his dear tea. “You left work early?”</p><p>“Yeah, left it to Traute to close for today,” he said as he left his hat on the kitchen table and then he noticed her. “Hello, little one.” </p><p>She beamed at him. “Hello, Kenny!”</p><p>Kenny took the seat across from her and reached the inside of his shirt pocket. “How’s your father?” he asked as he took out a packet of cigarettes.</p><p>Her father was a doctor working in the town’s hospital and Kenny had a little market at the centre of the town, so they more or less knew each other. “He is fine,” she replied, putting her elbows on top of the table. “Trying to get on well with furious patients.”</p><p>Kenny laughed, “Everyone is sick for no reason nowadays,” he said placing a cigar in between his lips.</p><p>As if she had sensed it, Kuchel turned to Kenny and slapped his hand, causing the tobacco to fall from his mouth. “Don’t smoke in front of the children.”</p><p>“Alright, alright,” Kenny grunted. “Geez.”</p><p>A great opportunity to fill them in, Hanji thought. “Did you know that smoking causes %90 of all lungs cancer deaths and %80 from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease?”  </p><p>“What language are you speaking, kid?” Kenny snorted as he put the cigarette back in its packet. </p><p>“She is warning you, scientifically,” Levi placed a tray next to Hanji’s elbows then put two plates of apple tart on top of it. “Not that you would understand. Also, you have no will power to quit it anyway.”</p><p>“Hanji, don’t you have anything to say to that brat?” Kenny asked, waving his hat in Levi’s direction lazily. “He is drinking tea like he is sucking his mother’s milk. Don’t you think he is too… small for that?” He travelled his gaze around Levi as if trying to emphasize his point.</p><p>Hanji opened her mouth to respond just as Levi said, “At least I am not going to die pathetically from a lung disease because I inhale poisonous smoke.”</p><p>“You little scumbag,” Kenny scoffed, and his face crumpled in discontent as he looked at his nephew.</p><p>It caused a slap from Kuchel to his shoulder this time. “Talk properly to my boy. He is just a kid.”</p><p>“A kid! Hah!” He exclaimed then put his hat back on his head. “Right. I don’t like kids anyway.” Then he looked at her. “You are an exception though little Einstein.”</p><p>“I’m surprised you know about Einstein,” Levi murmured, and it made Hanji laugh drastically, but she put a hand to her mouth right after. Afraid that she would offend Kenny. Yet he didn’t even spare a glance at her.  </p><p>A muscle moved on his jaw. “I am sparing you for the sake of my sister, brat. Don’t push your luck.”</p><p>“I am not afraid of you.”</p><p>“Oh, you should be—”</p><p>“Enough!” Kuchel interrupted, putting two cups one of which contained hot chocolate and the other black tea on the tray. “Leave the kids alone, Kenny,” she warned and looked at them. “You can go to your room, love. Call me if you need anything.”</p><p>Hanji nodded and slipped from her seat as Levi took the tray in his hands. They were about to leave the kitchen when they heard Kenny saying, “Leave the door open.”</p><p>“Kenny!” Kuchel yelled, while Levi simply rolled his eyes and Hanji merely blinked at him. “They are just <em>children</em>!”</p><p>“For fuck’s sake,” he whispered under his breath as they left the kitchen and started climbing the stairs. </p><p>“I don’t understand,” Hanji said, confused. </p><p>“Never mind,” he sighed. </p><p>They sat on the floor, leaning their backs to Levi’s bed and ate their tarts which were as delicious as they smelled. Hanji swayed left and right unconsciously, savouring the taste on her tongue and hummed happily. “Did your mother learn to cook like this in Heaven?”</p><p>“No,” Levi replied shortly.</p><p>Hanji rolled her eyes sipping her hot chocolate. </p><p>It had been almost five or six months since they have met. Ever since that night on the roof of a half-constructed building their friendship started to build up. Throughout the days they met in the same place, Hanji had told Levi about everything she knew about the sky and space. The names of the constellations and stars, the planets and black holes. Levi listened quietly, so quiet that it nearly made Hanji suspicious that he wasn’t interested in or didn’t care about anything she had told him. But then he had started asking questions and even saying the names of the stars and the facts about the planets with her. Talking with him eased her mind and also thrilled her in a way that only her books managed to do. Unfortunately, they didn’t go to the same school, but the nights spent on that roof and days on his or her home had been an almost miracle like an escape for her.</p><p>“Your uncle is nice,” Hanji blurted suddenly when the silence stretched far too long for her liking. </p><p>“He wasn’t,” Levi replied, unexpectedly, taking a long sip from his tea.</p><p>Hanji stared at her, curiosity climbing up to her eyes. “What do you mean?”</p><p>He looked beyond his window, watching the pink sunset and its reflection on the cream, tulle curtains. “He used to have a gang.”</p><p>“Oh?” She sounded way too excited without even meaning to. “Do you mean… like… an illegal gang?”</p><p>“Are there even legal gangs?”</p><p>Hanji shrugged. No idea.</p><p>“Whatever,” Levi put the teacup back on the tray. “He was actually the leader of the gang and, I heard that he had done some very… dirty things.” He clicked his tongue. “Useless man.”</p><p>It was quite rare to see Levi willingly talking about his life, so Hanji held her breath to not make a sound so that he wouldn’t get distracted and stop.</p><p>“He had been to jail before I was born. During the same time my dad passed away, I guess. Mom said she had to take him out of jail with the money she had put aside and with some money left from my grandpa.” He played with a stray string poking out of his t-shirt absently. “She said, he had deserved a second chance.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I am kind of angry at him for being a pain in the ass for my mom but also, you know—I am glad that she wasn’t alone when I was born. And he is not that bad anymore, though still an asshole. But that’s a given. He was born like this; he cannot help it.”</p><p>Although his words carried an air of heaviness and severity, Hanji couldn’t help but laugh at his last sentence, the cheerful sound dispersed the gloomy atmosphere. And she was glad that afterwards, his features had relaxed and soften albeit barely, it was there still. </p><p>“I like spending time with you,” she said, suddenly.</p><p>He was taken aback, eyes widening slightly. “You do?”</p><p>“I thought it was obvious,” Hanji replied. “You are my only friend.”</p><p>He snorted, amused. “Same.”</p><p>She smiled and drank from her hot chocolate which was losing that specific quality gradually.</p><p>“I like spending time with you too,” Levi said after a while. It was so quiet and tender that Hanji thought she was daydreaming. Then, when she looked at him surprised, she had seen the slight pinkness on the tips of his ears.</p><p>Her smile turned into a toothy grin. “I know,” she said. “It’s very obvious.”</p><p>He smirked in return.</p><p>-</p><p>Levi insisted on walking her home because he didn’t trust her in walking properly in the limited light now that the sky was somehow dark, and the stars started winking and blazing from their respective places above.</p><p>“Say hi to your mom for me,” Kuchel said as she was seeing them off. </p><p>“Sure,” Hanji waved at her. “Thank you for today, Kuchel!”</p><p>“Anytime, darling.” </p><p>Walking at night was slightly harder because the area of the town Levi’s house was located didn’t have great lighting. They opted to walk on the side of the road rather than the frozen pavement. Cars were sweeping past them, and it had started to snow again. The wet asphalt reflected the yellow streetlamps lined side by side, and little snowflakes melted the second they met the ground. </p><p>The boy walking in front of her reached behind with his hand as they were about to cross the road. And he didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to. Hanji took her glove off from one hand and reached forward, grabbing the steady and warm hand stretched out for her and her mouth curled upwards. And the wet road reflected the blurry image of a raven-haired boy and a green hatted girl, holding hands on a cold, frosty winter night. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Hanji’s father was a tall man with a bearded, straight face and brown, slightly balding hair. He wore thick-framed, rectangle glasses. Behind them were a pair of soft-looking, hazel eyes and above them were dark, bushy eyebrows. They were raised, creating wrinkles on his forehead as he looked up from his book when the two of them entered the room. </p><p>“Dad,” Hanji gestured to Levi with her hand. “This is Levi.”</p><p>Her father looked over the boy, glasses slipping down his nose. It was the first time Levi meeting him, despite the times he had been here within almost a year they had known each other, Levi had never come across with her father. </p><p>“Nice to meet you, Mr Zoe,” Levi, the ever-respectful boy that he was, greeted her father in such a nice manner that Hanji was shocked. So, he did manage to be decent at times, ha! One of the things that she most liked about Levi was that there was no end to getting to know him. And just like it was impossible to count the drops on a river, she thought a day couldn't come in which she didn’t learn a new thing about him.</p><p>“Levi, huh?” Her father closed the book that he was reading and adjusted his glasses. “The infamous Levi that my daughter keeps nagging about?”</p><p>“I don’t nag about him,” Hanji objected, feeling her cheeks getting hotter. She knew introducing Levi to her father was a huge risk.</p><p>“That’s me,” Levi confirmed. And Hanji nearly pinched his side.</p><p>To both of their surprise, Mr Zoe let out a loud, uproarious laugh. “So, you are not imaginary after all, ha kid!” The man went on laughing, leaving Hanji stunned and annoyed and very much embarrassed. </p><p>“Dad!” </p><p>Worse thing than her father laughing like he had been watching videos of people tripping down, was that Levi snorting right beside her as if he had no shame. </p><p>“I am sure she has imaginary friends as well,” Levi pointed out, his face giving nothing away, except for a vague tremble on his lips. </p><p>It made Mr Zoe laugh even harder. He was beating his knee basically at this point.</p><p>Hanji glared at his head. <em> You are so going to pay for this. </em></p><p>He responded to her stare from the corner of his eyes. Challenging. <em> Bring it on </em>.</p><p>“We’ll be at the attic,” she informed her still laughing father while feeling quite betrayed by her own biological parent. His father was a more <em> obnoxious </em> version of her so to say. He had this habit of laughing at things that were not relatively funny to others. </p><p>“Sure, sure,” the man replied, wiping the tears from his eyes with his index fingers. “Nice to meet you, Levi.”</p><p>Hanji dragged Levi out of the room before he could answer. Then pushed him towards the stairs while also putting her hands on her shoulders. Then positioned herself securely, a mischievous smile placed on her lips and she jumped on his back. </p><p>“What the hell, Hanji?” Levi snarled, sounding both astonished and frustrated. They stumbled left and right dangerously at first until he grabbed her legs on instinct to find his balance. Hanji grinned.</p><p>“Revenge.”</p><p>“Are you fuc—” He gritted his teeth, his hands gripping her legs painfully. “You can’t be serious.”</p><p>“Of course I am.” She patted his shoulder and then wrapped her arms around his neck. “Come on, Captain Levi! Carry me up!”</p><p>“God-fucking-dammit.” The swear left his mouth in a sharp, but a quiet whisper. Hanji laughed. Levi grunted, scoffed and swore under his breath as he began to climb up the stairs one by one, cautiously and slowly. They were almost half-way done when Hanji remembered something very important.</p><p>“Wait!” she exclaimed. “Wait! No-no-no-no-no! Stop, Levi! Stop! Stop!!!”</p><p>“What!” he snarled. </p><p>“Get back down,” she urged his shoulder. “I need to take something from the kitchen.”</p><p>He inhaled heavily like he had swollen a curse so big it would probably ruin her life lets it come out. Then, without uttering a word, he turned around and started to walk down, quietly. Hanji could feel the angry tension radiating from his body as if he were an atom bomb ready to destroy everything at any second. For that, she kept quiet as well. There was no need to provoke him even more. Just until they entered the kitchen. It was a success for her standards anyway.</p><p>“To the fridge,” she ordered, and Levi obeyed, still silent. Hanji opened the door of the fridge and searched the shelves knitting her eyebrows in concentration while doing so yet, couldn’t find what she was looking for.</p><p>“It’s not here,” she pouted. “Come on. Over there.”</p><p>Levi inhaled again through his nose, possibly absorbing yet another curse. Hanji pointed to the kitchen cabinets and Levi walked closer to the counter. She searched the cabinets until she found what she was looking for inside one of them and at the top of the shelves. </p><p>“Hold still,” she warned before putting one hand on Levi’s shoulder to lift herself up a little bit. However, she must have put so much pressure that Levi hissed between his teeth. “Almost there,” she informed, as her fingers touched the items at least and she pushed them closer with her fingertips. She bit her lip, and wrinkled her face, a sweat drop slipped down her temple, and just as she pressed a little more on his shoulder and Levi let out a whopping, “Fuck,” she grabbed two packets of chocolate milk, holding them tightly between her fingers and let out a loud, huge sigh of relief.</p><p>“Mission completed,” she said, as she wiped the sweat away from her forehead with her sleeve, and her body relaxed. “We may return to the head-quarters.”</p><p>“I am going to kill you,” he said, darkly, but carried her out of the kitchen, nonetheless. </p><p>“Maybe I’ll let you,” she laughed, boisterously. “Come on now! Up, up, up to the attic!”</p><p>It took a little too much effort on Levi’s side and a little too much fun on Hanji’s until they made it safely to the attic. She turned the light on after they climbed inside one by one and gestured the room with her hand.</p><p>“Ta-da!”</p><p>Levi observed his surroundings, trying to seem like he wasn’t interested but Hanji noticed the sparkle in his eyes when he took everything in. “You have a tent here.”</p><p>“Yes!” She jumped a little on her feet. “A book tent!”</p><p>It was indeed a book tent. She had piled the old books on top of each other, creating a short wall of two sides. Another line of books was behind them to support, and to avoid an avalanche. A wide and thin, navy sheet was spread from one end to the other. It was also a cave of sorts. Somewhat small, and just a little bit vulnerable. Yet, it had walls made of books and a floor made of a star-map. </p><p><em> Oh </em>, right.</p><p>“Let’s get in,” Hanji grabbed his arm and pulled him forwards. “You’ll love it.”</p><p>They crawled inside under the sheet. The atmosphere here was dim and darker because the sheet was filtering the light, but it only increased the mystery and made it even more dreamy and so very exciting.</p><p>“Is that a star-map?” Levi asked, looking at the dark blue blanket they were sitting on.</p><p>“Yep,” she approved, nodding. “My father bought it for me as a birthday present. And I thought it would be cool to use it like this. It feels like I am sitting on top of the stars.”</p><p>Levi snorted. “Four-eyes, that’s kind of creepy.” He shook his head, and a ghost of a smile flew above his lips. “You’re a goddamn genius.”</p><p>She beamed at him, and her cheeks almost hurt from smiling so wide. She felt like there were fireworks in her eyes, and while she didn’t think it took that much of a brain to spread a blanket on the floor the fact that Levi complimented her caused the fireworks to explode in her stomach and their lustre reached up to her eyes.</p><p>“Orion,” he pointed with his finger and traced the lines all the while saying the names of the constellations he knew. “Taurus, Hyades, Auriga, and… what was that Pse- Pso- Poseidon?”</p><p>“No,” Hanji giggled. “Pleiades.”</p><p>“Right,” he chuckled. </p><p>Hanji opened one of the chocolate milk and gave the other to Levi. “Sorry, I forgot to prepare tea for you.”</p><p>Levi eyed the milk, sized it up for good before taking it from her hand. “Whatever.”</p><p>His grumpy face was hilarious as he put the straw in between his lips and drank the milk almost pouting. He didn’t have much tolerance for sweet things, unlike Hanji. Chocolate milk especially was her religion. </p><p>After they finished their chocolate milk Levi played with the straw absent-mindedly until he said, “Hanji?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Why did your father say that?”</p><p>“Say what?”</p><p>“That I wasn’t imaginary after all?”</p><p>“Oh,” she laughed, nervously. “It’s because I don’t really have any friends. I wasn’t joking when I told you you were my only friend.”</p><p>“But we are in middle school now,” he raised a brow. “Even I made some friends in class.”</p><p>“That’s great!” she said, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t envy him just a little bit.</p><p>“You’re actually outgoing,” he went on. “Why?”</p><p>She sighed. They were going to have that conversation then. Levi’s grey eyes watched her seriously, and with caution. He was giving her all his attention, focused on the words that were about to leave her mouth. Hanji thought that was the actual reason why they were so close. Because when no one cared to hear a word from her Levi listened to her telling stories of gods and goddesses, heroes and villains, ancient people and ancient folks, tales of love and tales of hatred. When no one bothered seeing her colours, Levi sat down in front of her and let her paint everything she ever wanted.</p><p>“They think I’m a weirdo,” she confessed. It wasn’t that hard though. She wasn’t even getting that offended anymore. </p><p>“I think you’re a weirdo too.”</p><p>“But you mean it in a good way,” Hanji pointed out. “They don’t.”</p><p>At that, his eyes turned as cold as an iceberg. Hanji swirled her index finger right next to her head. “Like I have a screw loose here,” then she tapped her temple. “I too thought that it would change in middle school, but it didn’t. Kids are cruel wherever you go.”</p><p>“Assholes,” Levi grunted. “Fuck it, Hanji. You’re obviously too smart for them.”</p><p>She laughed. “Yeah, I don’t care. I have you,” she shrugged and ignored the disturbing thought that Levi had other friends now and it was just a matter of time for him to get bored of her and then she would be alone yet again—</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” he told her, and she twirled her head in shock. Had he just read her mind? “I won’t leave you alone.”</p><p>Oh, God, oh, no. She was about to tear up. Her nose started to itch again as if she was about to sneeze, and she did sneeze too or pretended to so that she could send the tears back to their places.</p><p>“Gross,” Levi said in disgust. </p><p>After that, they laid down and Hanji talked and talked. Telling him about pheromones and how some animals used them to trick their preys and a neurological condition called synaesthesia which was basically seeing colours on intangible things. Levi asked some questions and hummed every now and then to indicate that he was listening. Sometimes he made sarcastic comments like, <em> maybe you’re unintentionally releasing trick pheromones, four-eyes </em> , or comments like  <em> I think you are a rainbow basically </em>  when he couldn’t think of only one colour he thought he would see on her. Hanji told him he was black and blue. And he said  <em> how smart of you, I didn’t know the colour of my eyes and hair </em>. </p><p><em> If I am a rainbow then that would make you the sky, genius </em>. She told him and he didn’t say anything back.</p><p>She put her head on his stomach and he placed his arms under his head. “Hanji,” he said.</p><p>“Yes?” She asked feeling curious about what he had to say.</p><p>“You’re a cool weirdo.”</p><p>She laughed and smirked up to the navy sheet. The light flowing through the little holes on it made her feel like she was watching a starry night. “You’re not so bad yourself, clean-freak.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <em>now</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“She is dead.”</p><p>Dead. How simple it is for one’s tongue. How easy to say, to summarize and fit a whole life in only one syllable, in mere four letters. Years are hidden within that single word, memories lost behind its dark shadow, loved ones buried under its cold weight. </p><p>Kuchel is dead. The woman who is always so full of life, so beautiful to exist in such a cruel world, so good to face its dreary winters and so gentle to deserve the hard slap of fate is gone now. No longer breathing. Just like that. But no scratch that. Not <em> just like that </em>, death never is. The living will never know, and the dead will never be there to tell.</p><p>Hanji holds her head with her hands, elbows resting on her knees, she leans forward. <em> What now? </em></p><p>
  <em> “How is he?” she asks, her heart already aching for she knew the answer beforehand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “That’s… actually the reason why I called you, kid,” Kenny says. “I can’t reach him. I haven’t seen him since the funeral and couldn’t find him anywhere.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Panic is quick to boil her blood. “Where might he be? Maybe he left the city?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He wouldn’t. Not yet,” he sounds thoughtful. “But I don’t think I can find him. To be honest, I am afraid I would make things even worse.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Why?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He needs someone who knows him,” he replies. “And there is no one left who knows him better than you. Kid, I know it’s too much to ask, but that brat is the only family I have left. I don’t want to fucking lose him too.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But how…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Just think about it,” Kenny cuts in, he sounds tired Hanji realizes and she feels her sorrow doubling itself just by hearing his voice. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to come, but just think about it at first. Then let me know your answer.” </em>
</p><p><em> Levi </em>. Hanji cannot even imagine the pain he is going through on his own. He had always been so fond of his mother, always so protective and caring even though he was trying to be subtle about it, it was never hard to tell. He must be devastated. </p><p>“What am I going to do?” she groans.</p><p>“What you need to.”</p><p>Hanji shrieks and jumps in her place as she looks at the person who has just talked with wide eyes. “Mr Jeager!”</p><p>Zeke adjusts his glasses and throws a leg over the other. Then inhales through his nose. “Such a lovely night, isn’t it?”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” </p><p>“Waiting for the bus,” he replies simply.</p><p>“No, I mean—” she sighs, obviously she had been so preoccupied with her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed him sitting next to her. “Whatever.”</p><p>“So,” he continues. “How many days do you want off?”</p><p>“Huh?” She blinks her eyes at him. She didn’t remember mentioning him about asking for a day off. </p><p>But Zeke doesn’t look at her, instead, he searches the road to see if there are any busses on the way. It spares her a moment to consider his offer and she realizes that once Kenny asked her the question, she had already made her mind.</p><p>“About a week please,” she says, without hesitation. “I need to help an old friend.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think it took me about three weeks or more to cranck out this chapter. I was on the thin line of losing my motivation to write and I loathe writer's block but it just comes and goes from time to time so stumbled a lot while writing this. Some parts might be rushed. Apologies...</p><p>And I had promised myself not to put pressure on people by asking for comments but uh, I kind of still need motivation so if you'd like to drop a few words they would be very much appreciated ^^</p><p>my <a href="https://sayonarasanity.tumblr.com/"> tumblr </a> is also always open to any kind of interaction btw if you'd like to, you know, say hello or anything lol<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time they were in seventh grade, she was obsessed with Shakespeare. </p><p>Levi found it out one day towards the dusk when he was watching the sunset on the rooftop. There was a quiet chill in the air, only visible when a breeze swept past him occasionally and his body trembled instinctively. The sky was pastel pink, clouds were shadowy and reflected the soft colour of a day slowly coming to an end. The sun’s last rays enlightened the horizon and Hanji, gasping and sweaty, threw herself next to him, leaning on his shoulder for support.</p><p>“Did you bring it?” She asked, extending her hand towards him. She was acting like they were exchanging drugs, and he was the dramatic one of the two. How was that even fair? Without a word Levi put the chocolate milk and the sandwich, he had brought from home in her hand. </p><p>She looked at him like she was going to cry. Good acting. “Oh, thank God for Levi Ackerman. I was starving.”</p><p>“You should stop wasting your money on books.”</p><p>“I am not wasting money, Levi. I am investing it.”</p><p>“What did you buy this time?”</p><p>She made a gesture with her hand to indicate ‘wait a minute’ as she quickly started to eat her sandwich and drank her milk. </p><p>“Slow the fuck down,” he said, feeling a need to warn her when she patted her chest to ease the process of the food going down. Then she drank the milk furiously and squeezed it between her fingers until she sucked the last drop, and the inside of the cartoon packet was as dry as the Sahara Desert. </p><p>After that, she sighed, content and happily rubbed her now full stomach. The sandwich was half-eaten though, she rewrapped it with the cling film and put it aside. Then she opened her bag, buried her hands inside, searching. “I found an old book shop today,” she said with a goofy grin on her face. “And bought these babies with the last money I had.” At that, she took out two books, worn, yellow and smelled ancient. </p><p>Levi squinted his eyes as he took the books from her hand and read the titles. One was <em> Macbeth</em> and the other was <em>Romeo and Juliet. </em> </p><p>“Cliché,” he commented.</p><p>“Shakespeare is not cliché, grumpy. He is a classic.”</p><p>She was apparently annoyed. It was so easy to work her up through her books. “I thought you had read them already?”</p><p>“I did but I read my dad’s copies and he won’t let me keep them on my shelf. So, I bought my own,” she grinned ear to ear. </p><p>“Good for you,” he pushed the books on her hands, unimpressed. </p><p>“I marked my favourite quotes while I was on my way here,” she tossed and replaced herself next to him. Shoulder to shoulder. “And I have a question for you.”</p><p>He didn’t have a chance to say no. “Shoot.”</p><p>“Are you a Macbeth like sky lover or a Juliet like sky lover?”</p><p>His face crumpled in confusion, and he blinked his eyes at her. Hanji was looking at him expectantly. She was actually waiting for an answer. Oh boy. He hadn’t understood shit. “Hanji you know I don’t understand your nerd shit without having you explain it to me.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, extending the h. “Right, sorry. My bad. What I mean is…” She opened <em> Macbeth </em>, and searched the pages until she found the one she was looking for. “For example, in Act I Scene IV, Macbeth says, “Stars, hide your fires! / Let not light see my black and deep desires,” and,” she dropped it to open the other book. “In Act III Scene II, Juliet says “Take him and cut him out in little stars, / And he will make the face of heaven so fine / That all the world will be in love with the night/”</p><p>She turned her gaze again on him afterwards, adjusting her glasses. “So?”</p><p>“Hanji, what the hell are you trying to do?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes and closed the book. “Levi, I am just saying that obviously these two quotes,” she quoted the air while saying, “although out of context, are more or less about the sky so pick one.”</p><p>“But they don’t even make sense!” he objected.  </p><p>“They don’t have to. It’s literature. If you take the lines of the context, you can use them however you like.”</p><p>“For example?” Levi pressed, still waiting for a reasonable enough explanation.</p><p>Hanji, like the nerd that she was, started to explain, “<em> Macbeth</em> is about revenge, ambition and remorse, at least superficially, and  <em> Romeo and Juliet </em>is about love, old-grudges and misunderstandings, again superficially. But if you take the lines out of those concepts…” she shrugged. </p><p>“I can use them however I like?” Levi said, trying to come to her point. </p><p>“Exactly.” </p><p>“Like I don’t have any “black and dark desires”, but I can choose Macbeth?”</p><p>Hanji nodded. </p><p>“Because he talked about stars?”</p><p>She nodded again.</p><p>“But what do they have to do with loving the sky?” Levi asked, having been unable to make the connection. </p><p>Hanji paused, her eyes moved upwards to the sky, considering his question. She hummed thoughtfully. “Well, nothing.” Then her gaze turned back at him. “But don’t look for logic, Levi. Just pick one.”</p><p>“I said Macbeth already. Leave me alone.”</p><p>“Uh, you said that seriously?” She tapped her chin. “Why him though?”</p><p>“No specific reason.” Levi looked away to the town, observed the intermittent, weak lights of the houses underneath. “Juliet sounded way too sappy.”</p><p>Hanji snorted, and about a minute later she went on, “Literature doesn’t always make sense,” she said. “It’s like eating cotton candy. I mean, do you think it makes sense?”</p><p>Levi raised a brow at her. “Yes?”</p><p>“But—” Hanji made a stupid hand gesture. “It melts the second it touches your tongue. It doesn’t make sense. But you enjoy eating it because it melts the second it touches your tongue.”</p><p>Levi blinked hollowly. “I am not following.”</p><p>“Wait,” she said, excitedly. “I’ll show you.”</p><p>Then she thrust one of the books into his hands, shuffled the pages and pointed with her finger to the lines she had clearly underlined with a pencil. “Read it aloud.”</p><p>Levi was feeling like he had given up on whatever will power he had as he observed the lines. He could feel Hanji’s curious, and expectant gaze burning the side of his face. There was no escape from this. </p><p>He cleared his throat before starting. “Tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow,</p><p>Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,</p><p>To the last syllable of recorded time;</p><p>And all our yesterdays have lighted fools</p><p>The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!</p><p>Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player </p><p>That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,</p><p>And then is heard no more: it is a tale</p><p>Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,</p><p>Signifying nothing.”</p><p>When he finished, he realized the goosebumps that crept upon his skin, the way the words flew out of his mouth as if they were notes from an old, forgotten ballad, and the way they melted on his tongue, slowly but deliciously like pink cotton candy—</p><p>“Damn,” he breathed.</p><p>“Right?” Hanji exclaimed excitedly. </p><p>“I don’t know what the hell he is talking about,” he said honestly. Just like how he didn’t necessarily like cotton candy because it was too sweet yet, the pleasure while eating it every now and then was undeniable. “But like—”</p><p>“It tastes good.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he stared at her.</p><p>Hanji laughed, cheerfully. Levi felt a slight twitch in his mouth as he watched her. “Do you have more?”</p><p>“Of course I do.” She then showed him a snippet from <em> Romeo and Juliet </em>. Levi took the book in his hands and read it aloud.</p><p>“My only love sprung from my only hate!</p><p>Too early seen unknown and known too late!</p><p>Prodigious birth of love it is to me,</p><p>That I must love a loathed enemy.”</p><p>The chance to make a reference was too good and too obvious to ignore so Levi whistled, looking at the pages. “That’s rough body.”</p><p>Hanji burst into laughter.</p><p>-</p><p>Afterwards, they watched the way the clouds move slowly blocking and revealing the moon, hiding the stars behind, and giving the night an almost otherworldly view. Hanji kept talking, of course, whenever something came to her mind. Levi never quite understood half the things she had told him, but he always paid attention. Because watching her like this was like watching the flowing of a cascade. It was endless and it was loud and for that it was fascinating, and it was addicting. </p><p>And he couldn’t look away. </p><p>“Levi,” she said when the air started to become colder, and he was about to tell her that they should go back now. “I want to be a rocket scientist.”</p><p>“Huh?” </p><p>“I want to help people explore the universe,” she went on. She didn’t look at her confused expression, instead, she watched the stars with the slightest of smiles on her face. “I want to build rockets and I want to learn more about everything out there.”</p><p>She held up her hand, closed one of her eyes and looked at the sky through the holes between her fingers. “And I want you to be with me.”</p><p>Levi thought about cascades again and remembered a class in the school in which they learned how they created a pothole on the ground it fell. It was mere water, he had thought then, but it was strong enough to bore through the hard rocks. And Hanji was only a thirteen-year-old girl with a dream bigger than even the two of them, but she was a cascade, and as he watched her face which carried no doubt or insecurity, he believed at that moment that she could do whatever she ever wanted.</p><p>“I don’t think I can be a rocket scientist,” he said. Even the term itself sounded so weird in his ears when he tried to picture it on himself.</p><p>“You can be an engineer,” Hanji said, presenting another option. “You are smart enough to be. And then we can work together. Don’t you think it would be nice? Exploring the universe and other worlds behind the walls of the Earth? I mean we can even go to the same university. If you’d like to, of course.”</p><p>They were only thirteen. And those dreams seemed too big, too far away, and so out of reach and quite insolent for their age. But Hanji’s eyes were full of hope like she had no doubt about each of them achieving those seemingly distant dreams. And Levi wished he could be as hopeful as her and believe that they could go to the same university, then work together and explore the mysteries of the universe and maybe even more. Yet at the moment no matter how he tried, they still seemed so strange and so unlikely. Future was the furthest point of the ocean, a mirage in a desert, and they were merely kids with nothing but unformed, tender dreams in their hands. </p><p><em> How daring</em>, he thought. </p><p>But then again, before he met Hanji, he had also thought that the sky was unapproachable, and the stars were just a view he enjoyed watching from time to time. Now, he touched them in an attic, underneath a makeshift sky and with a girl who had stardust in her eyes.</p><p>“Okay,” he said.</p><p>She smiled so big, she almost outran the sun. “Okay,” she repeated. “We have a dream then.”</p><p>-</p><p>“Good morning, Mrs Zoe.”</p><p>Hanji’s mother was a nice and kind woman with a height slightly over the middle, brown hair tied up neatly, and a pair of gentle brown eyes which were radiating warmth as they looked at him. She was dressed in clean and fresh attire and smelled like daisies. Levi would never understand how a girl, untidy, messy and dirty, like Hanji came out of this civilized woman.</p><p>“Good morning, Levi,” she smiled. “Come on in.”</p><p>Levi stepped inside and removed his shoes, then his jacket. “Is she—”</p><p>“She is in her room,” Mrs Zoe sighed, shaking her head. “She is being overly dramatic about it, boy. Be careful.”</p><p>Levi snorted. He had expected nothing less. “Sure.” </p><p>Hanji’s room was upstairs, and Levi prepared himself for a war scene as he knocked and opened the door. He was right of fucking course. Books, clothes, empty water bottles, and old, stuffed toys were covering the ground. Levi wrinkled his face in disgust and put the bag in his hand aside next to the dresser. Then set in to tidy up the room; folded the clothes, piled the books on her library and shelves, threw away the empty bottles and some eaten chocolate packages. Then he opened the curtains and left the window ajar for some fresh air to fill inside the room. </p><p>The figure buried under the blankets in her bed groaned and tossed. Levi watched as the bed creaked under her movements, and a puddle of messy brown hair showed itself on the head of the bed, setting free from the blockade of the blanket. He walked closer, reached down and pulled the blanket off. </p><p>She yelped, eyes wide in shock, and her body stayed frigid on her bed. “What the hell, Levi?”</p><p>“Language,” he warned, smiling slyly. She frowned and attempted to take the blanket back, but Levi had already lied it over her again. It only covered her from the belly down this time rather than her whole body like a damn shroud.</p><p>Then he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Heard you were sick.”</p><p>Just then she sneezed and cleaned her nose with a tissue that was already in her hands. Then she groaned. “I’m dying.”</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes. Dramatic indeed. “Do you have a fever?”</p><p>“No,” she sniffed. “I am not sick actually. It is an allergy, because of the weather.” She coughed and sneezed again. “And by the everything holy out there, it’s killing me.”</p><p>It was early Spring, so it made sense. “I don’t think a spring allergy will kill you, four-eyes.”</p><p>“Actually, some allergies are deadly,” she cleaned her nose again. </p><p>“But not this one.”</p><p>“Yeah, not this one I guess.” She stared at the ceiling, her eyes were watery, nose red and somewhat wounded, her oval-shaped glasses were slightly inclined, her hair was dishevelled, and her mouth was dry.</p><p>“You look like shit,” he said.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>He got up from where he was sitting and took the bag he had left by the dresser. When he sat back down again, he handed her over two packets of chocolate milk. “Here you go, drama queen.”</p><p>She blinked at the items at first, until her vision became clear and when she found out what they were, finally a smile so big bloomed on her face that Levi felt relaxed. “Hero,” she uttered before she snatched the milk off from his hand and immediately opened one of them to drink with utmost appetite. </p><p>They leaned their backs to the head of the bed as Hanji drank empty both of the chocolate milk. After that, she slipped down a little and rested her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“Levi,” she said, lazily and sniffed. “Quick wordplay.”</p><p>“Go.”</p><p>“Virginia Woolf?”</p><p>It was a stupid game they had played one day when they got so bored, they had started to dangle head down from Levi’s bed. Basically, they were trying to make fun of artists’ names in general. Trying to get as creative as possible. And failing a lot. “A she-wolf?”</p><p>“That’s sexist, Levi.” </p><p>“How is that sexist?”</p><p>“I don’t know it sounded sexist,” she sneezed and cleared her nose, groaning miserably. “Okay, Shakespeare?”</p><p>He considered for a moment, eyes up to the ceiling. “A man who enjoys shaking pears?” The words almost made him flinch. So much for being creative.</p><p>“Levi,” she chuckled first, then started to giggle. “That was disgusting. Oh my God, you’re so bad at this.”</p><p>Levi scowled while Hanji’s laughter got out of control. At some point, her coughs joined the symphony but that didn’t stop her from laughing her heart out. She leaned into him more, almost making him fall from the bed. Fortunately, he balanced himself at the last minute with the help of the bedside table.</p><p>“Oi!”</p><p>“What is she laughing at?” Hanji’s mother asked from the door, smiling at her still laughing daughter, with confused eyes which held the understanding of a mother who was so used to her daughter’s antics. She was holding a tray in her hands and there were two bowls on top of it which Levi guessed to be soups probably. </p><p>“She has lost her mind, finally,” Levi replied, blankly. </p><p>“No!” Hanji exclaimed, suddenly. Then there was a pair of hands grabbing his collar, then her wide, brown eyes were staring at him. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Levi, you know what to say to that!” She shook him. “We’ve rehearsed this before!”</p><p>It took him merely two seconds to understand what she was talking about. “No.”</p><p>“Please,” she pleaded, even had the audacity to pout. “You have to say it!”</p><p>He sighed, looked away, then saw her mother still in the threshold, now appearing to be obviously confused. On the other side, there was Hanji, continuing to look at him with those big, pleading eyes. </p><p>“O what a noble mind is here o’erthrown,” he said, with a tone so flat Shakespeare would possibly erase the line from the text if he were to hear it. </p><p>“Oh my God, Levi!” Hanji giggled breathlessly. “Your face!” Then she started to laugh drastically again, she even had to lay down on her side, her body shaking with the intensity of her laughter. Hanji’s mother on the other hand merely sighed and left the tray on top of the bedside table. There was also a pill on it, Levi realized. “Make sure she drinks it okay?” she told Levi.</p><p>He nodded in response and she left closing the door behind her. </p><p>Levi had to almost force the spoon down her throat for the soup to reach her stomach. She whined and tried to dodge from him like a four-year-old. Levi didn’t let her though until the bowl was empty. Then he drank his own.</p><p>“You’re gonna be a terrible father,” she said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.</p><p>“Use a goddamn tissue, you uncivilized moron.”</p><p>“That’s none of your business.” She slipped down to lay on her bed after she drank the pill and pulled the blanket to her face. </p><p>“My job here is done, I guess,” Levi murmured and stood up, putting the bowl on the tray. </p><p>“You’re leaving?” Hanji watched him through the space left from the blanket which was covering half of her face.</p><p>“Yeah,” he nodded. “You get some rest.”</p><p>“But I’ve been resting the whole day, Levi. I am bored.”</p><p>“What do you want me to do?” He raised a brow.</p><p>“Stay?” She asked, blinking her eyes innocently. </p><p>When Levi didn’t directly object her, she moved a little to create space for him, then opened the blanket and looked at Levi expectantly, and with a sheepish smile on her lips. </p><p><em> Why can’t I say no to her? </em>Levi mused and scowled at himself inside as he lay down on the bed. Her smile remained in its place as she pulled the blanket over their heads, and they laid face to face in the dark, the only sound was their even and quiet breaths. This close he could smell her shampoo and the odour which only belonged to her, a mix of ancient books, ink and something soft like vanilla-scented candles. </p><p>“You smell very nice,” she whispered.</p><p>Levi was taken aback at the fact that they had been seemingly thinking the same thing. “I smell clean. Nothing you are used to.”</p><p>She snickered and sniffed. “So cruel, Levi.”</p><p>And he smiled only because she couldn’t see.</p><p>-</p><p>There was a marble pool near her school. It was round, bygone and had a small amount of water in it. In the water there were tokens of different sizes, some were new some were old enough to become rusty. Hanji enjoyed walking past and stopped by that pool every now and then. If she were lucky enough, she could find thirsty birds or sometimes protrude eyed green frogs. Today was one of those lucky days. </p><p>“Hello, little bud,” she smiled at the frog, reaching out with her index finger to touch its wet, and sleek skin. The frog croaked and responded to her stare with its big, rounded black eyes. “Would you like to come with me?”</p><p>She smirked when she imagined Levi’s disgusted, and horrified face if he were to see it. The frog croaked again, and as if it had understood what was going to happen to it if it agreed to come with her, it turned its speckled back to Hanji and jumped into the pool.</p><p>Hanji sighed wearily. “Alright.”</p><p>“What’s that weirdo doin’?” A voice belonged to a boy near her age spoke and Hanji froze where she had kneeled. She folded her fist and waited quietly for them to just walk away. </p><p>“Her weirdo shit,” his friend answered. What a sharp mind for his age! “Maybe she hopes if she kisses a frog it will turn into a Prince Charming and fall in love with her.” The three boys came walking behind her, two of them roaring with laughter while one of them made disgusting kissing sounds.</p><p>“I don’t think even a frog would fall in love with her,” Jack, the one who had talked first said and their laughter doubled up.</p><p>Hanji had recognized them, how could she not, they were unfortunately classmates. They had been messing with her since the first day they had started middle school. She had been ignoring them quite successfully since then. It was going to be almost three years and she was going to graduate anyway. She only needed to bear it for a little while longer.</p><p>Hanji slowly rose. She was going to meet Levi and she was already running late. Levi wasn’t a fan of waiting for her and each time she somehow managed to be late to their meetings. It wasn’t her fault that nature held so many things ready to be discovered by her. And Levi always chided her for being tardy, but Hanji knew he was never actually angry at her. Just slightly annoyed, but that was his nature.</p><p>She must’ve been incredibly tense because after thinking about him she felt her body relaxing. Even her jaw which was tightly shut eased, and she breathed then shook her head. <em> No need to be so stressed over a bunch of good-for-nothings, Hanji. </em></p><p>She was about to be fully stood up when another body crashed against her and she stumbled forward. Her eyes widened, her world lost focus as she blinked her eyes and tried to understand the reason why she was seeing the things which were merely an inch away from her blurry. It didn’t take her much to understand. Her glasses were absent. </p><p>“Ups, sorry. Didn’t see you there.” The boy who crashed against her said. Was it Jack or one of the others she didn’t know. She was busy looking for her glasses on the ground. <em> Calm down, calm down </em> , she repeated inside.  <em> If you panic now, you’ll give them what they want. </em> </p><p>“Watch out, Sammy, you’ll break her glasses.” </p><p>Sammy, so it was Sam. Then the third was probably Daniel. Didn’t matter. She had to find her glasses. Right now. Or else she couldn’t go to the roof; she couldn’t meet Levi. Everything was so damn blurry. Where the hell were her glasses?</p><p>“What an ugly pair of things,” Jack said. He walked in front of her and pushed something with the toe of his shoe. That thing shone when it moved, a short moment of reflecting the light of the sun but Hanji had understood what it was. </p><p><em> Calm down, calm down, Hanji </em> , she remembered herself over and over again.  <em> Don’t panic. </em> </p><p>“Move,” she said to the boy finally raising her eyes to meet his stare. There was a smug look on his pale face. His hands in his pockets. </p><p>“She can talk!” He exclaimed, laughing. </p><p>“Move away, Jack,” she repeated. “I don’t have time for this.”</p><p>“For what?” He asked lazily. “You should be thankful that we are talking to you. I am sure you haven’t communicated with an opposite-sex all your life.”</p><p>That one was easy to let slide. The fact that her best friend was the so-called <em> opposite sex </em> was none of their business anyway. Thus, she stepped forward, ignoring his words. She didn’t want to kneel down to take her glasses. He had to move.</p><p>Yet, he didn’t. Instead, he stood where he was, his stare, cocky and priggish never leaving her eyes. As if he was challenging her to do something to him. <em> What can you do? </em>  It was saying. <em>You are a slim, feeble girl. </em><em>You are nothing. </em> </p><p><em> A weirdo</em>. </p><p>Another step forward.</p><p>
  <em> Loser. Lunatic.  </em>
</p><p>Hanji put her hand on his shoulder to push him back at the same time Jack took a step towards her. She hadn’t put much pressure to keep him in his place for she was only aiming at pushing him slightly back. So, when he moved, the hand on his shoulder was useless to stop him. Hence something <em> cracked </em> under his foot and Hanji froze.</p><p>“Oh, damn,” Jack said, faking a regretful voice looking down at what he had done. “I broke her dear glasses. How reckless of me!” He and the other two laughed together while Hanji stared at the broken piece of glass on the ground unable to move her body.</p><p>“But don’t worry. It was so ugly anyway.”</p><p><em> Calm down, calm down, </em>the voice inside of her head proceeded to repeat in her head as if it were afraid of her losing control.  <em> Take deep breaths, let it go. You’re going to get rid of them in— </em></p><p>“Yeah, just like its owner.”</p><p>It was nothing she wasn’t used to. <em> Ugly, dirty, messy. Are you sure she is a girl? She never even wears skirts. Maybe it is a guy under disguise. It happens in movies. Hahaha, maybe we’ll catch her in the boys’ restroom someday! </em></p><p>She was used to it and she always ignored them. Always let it past. They were just a bunch of teenage boys, silly and ignorant. And despite everything, she had been fully aware of the fact that she was much much smarter than them all. Coming from the same country, going through the same education but not each apple on a tree was fresh. Some were rotten and some were green. And there was already a boy in her life who was the direct opposite of everyone she had ever met. A boy who watched the stars with her, a boy who smelled like leaves, soap and the wind and a boy who memorized lines from an old, English poet not because he was so fond of them but because he knew that she was. </p><p>The boy who was waiting for her now, and she was getting late.</p><p>It was that thought that single reality that had finally moved her body. The voice inside of her head silenced, and for once in her life, she let the wheels in her brain stand motionless. Her hand reached forward and grab the collar of the boy and with power mostly coming from her anger she turned and held the boy just above the pool and supported herself by putting her foot on the marble edge of it. Jack who had been caught off guard for he hadn’t been waiting for a launch from Hanji could do nothing but gasp in shock.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing, you lunatic?” he yelled and grabbed her hand which was gripping the collar of his t-shirt.</p><p>“Let Jack go, you goddamn weirdo!” One of the other boys exclaimed. </p><p>“Don’t come close!” Hanji warned. “Or I’ll let him fall. I am sure it won’t be a soft fall, don’t you think, Jack?”</p><p>Jack’s eyes flared up with rage and vague fear. He took sharp breaths, as he tried to balance himself only with his folded legs. “Don’t come close,” he warned his friends without breaking eye contact with Hanji. “You’re going to pay for this.”</p><p>Hanji almost snorted at his words. For God’s sake, who was he? A mafia boss in the disguise of a teenage boy? She smirked, whatever. “I’ll be waiting.” </p><p>Then she pushed him slightly backwards, causing him to yelp in panic and held her hand tighter. Her smile widened to the extent of becoming almost wicked. “Having fun?”</p><p>“You’re crazy,” he said, between thick, fast breaths.</p><p>“Maybe,” Hanji whispered. </p><p>Jack was only a slim, teenage boy with no muscle or fat whatsoever in his system, so he wasn’t that heavy to hold. But even though her anger was feeding her at the moment, her arm had started to shiver, because she didn’t necessarily use her arm muscles for anything that required physical strength and she didn’t want him to realize it. Hence, she pulled Jack upwards, turned him around and threw his body to the ground. He hissed as he landed on the hard, stone ground. Sam and Daniel quickly reached and kneeled on either side of him, helping him get up. </p><p>Her side was blurry, and it was coming back as nausea. She was still angry, her body was trembling with the force of it, her fingertips were numb. But they were three and she was one. If they decided to attack her altogether, she held a very little chance against them. Especially now that her vision was the least clear, she was at a disadvantage. The wisest thing to do was to run away now that their attention was not focused on her. And she readied herself to do so, a foot behind the other, her hands gripping the handles of her bag on her shoulder, she checked the direction she was going to follow, and she prepared to run—</p><p>And then, she couldn’t.</p><p>A hand grabbed her collar tightly, tight enough to almost choke her. She glanced before her in shock, with her eyes as wide as a pair of big, round rocks and saw Sam.</p><p>“You little bitch,” he whispered, drawing her close by the collar. His eyes were black as coal, burning with fever. “You think you can run just like that after what you’ve done?”</p><p><em> Oh, well, </em>she thought woefully<em>. That was bad. </em></p><p>“I have done nothing,” she said, blinking her eyes in ignorance.</p><p><em> Deep breaths, </em>the voice talked again <em> , keep your heart steady </em>. </p><p>He clenched his teeth, his jaw moved in a way that almost made her laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>“No,” she said, calmly and smiled nervously. “But maybe you should—”</p><p>“Get,” a voice, so dark and smelled like ice, said. A voice so familiar, like the backs of the books on her library. “Your hands-off.”</p><p>If she was surprised before, now she was startled. Because it was Levi, in all his Darkling glory, standing right beside them, and with an aura as black as the shadow of death. He was glaring at the boy who was holding her collar. When had he come so close? She had never noticed. And also, why had he come anyway? He was supposed to wait for her—</p><p>“Who the hell are you?” Sam asked, frowning. </p><p>“You’re going to find out if you don’t take your fucking hands off of her.”</p><p>Surprisingly, Sam did let go of her, but he didn’t seem the least frightened by Levi as he turned to face him. </p><p>“Levi,” she started, but he didn’t separate his gaze from Sam. “Levi, it’s okay. Let’s go.”</p><p>“Don’t tell me,” Sam laughed, deridingly. “Are you her boyfriend?”</p><p>Hanji winced at the word in shock, but Levi was tranquil like the sky right before a catastrophe. </p><p>“What if I am?” </p><p>Sam whistled and glanced at Hanji from the corner of his eye. “Nothing, I guess.” He snorted. “Just surprised to see this weirdo having a boyfriend—”</p><p>It was a bad day for collars in general it seemed, when Levi grabbed Sam’s furiously, pulling his face close and a little down to him.</p><p>“Call her weirdo again,” he said in a low voice. “Or lay your hands on her and I will show you then who I really am.”</p><p>Hanji was impressed, to say the least. She felt like she was stuck in the middle of a low-budget film adopted from a best-selling but dabster romance-action novel. It was strangely exciting though but also becoming slightly dangerous too. </p><p>“Levi,” she tried again. She didn’t want him to get into any trouble because of her. She caught the arm of his jacket. “Drop it. Let’s go.” </p><p>“Where the hell you think you’re goin',” Jack came near them, his face twisted in a wicked way. “You little slut—”</p><p>The term that “everything happened so fast” mostly used in novels, was quite accurate as Hanji herself found it out first-hand when Levi’s fist landed the side of Jack’s face so fast, she only had time for a quick inhale. </p><p>“Son of a bitch,” he snarled, voice full of such hatred it was almost like it belonged to somebody else.</p><p>After overcoming the first wave of shock, Jack straightened up, his teeth greeted and eyes aglow with anger, and wasted no time in punching Levi right back on his cheekbone. Levi’s body stumbled to the side; his hair black like the midnight ocean winnowing with the force of the blow. </p><p>Then all hell broke loose.</p><p>“Levi!” she yelled and rushed forward. A yellow light, luminous like a streak of lightning flashed before her eyes, and within a moment the blood in her veins consisted more of raw fury than of platelets. However, she couldn’t make it that far for she was held back by a pair of hands on her arms. “Let go!” she screamed, struggling to free herself of those hands.</p><p>“You stay here, while Jack takes care of your <em> boyfriend</em>.” Hanji heard Sam’s sly voice behind her, and she grunted in frustration, still floundering to get rid of his iron hold. The word felt too weird and for some reason wrong because Levi wasn’t her boyfriend. He was more than that. He was her best friend. </p><p>Her best friend, being beaten because of <em>his </em> best friend. “Let him go, Jack. You ignorant bastard!” She exclaimed, feeling guilty and incredibly useless.  </p><p>The two boys continued striking each other with punches and kicks. Gruff voices, and painful whines which Hanji couldn’t always decipher to whom they belonged filled her ears. She couldn’t even get a clear view of the two as they stumbled away from her, and because of her murky vision, she didn’t even know if the little, red spots on the ground were actually droplets of blood. And it terrified her to even think about whose blood they might be.</p><p>“Levi!” She screamed then grunted and kicked Sam’s leg and stepped on his foot while at the same time struggling to get rid of his hold. Sam hissed, and swore but didn’t let her go. Unlike Jack, he was taller and a little muscular in his arms. And she had nausea, also there was a stable pound right on her temple like a vein there decided to take the role of her heart. </p><p>One of the two boys spitted and Hanji saw, albeit quite blurrily, that the colour of the spit was red.</p><p>“Oi, oi, oi oi!” </p><p>An older, and rougher voice joined the chaos, and it sounded familiar, too familiar even, but Hanji couldn’t focus enough to think about who it belonged to. She realized Sam going solid behind her though, and someone shouted, “Kenny! Fuck, it’s Kenny the Ripper, Jack!” It was Daniel, Hanji found out when she looked around squinting. <em> Kenny the Ripper? </em>  The hell was that? </p><p>“Shit,” Sam swore and released her arms. “Jack, come on! We need to go!”</p><p>Jack must have taken their warnings seriously for within seconds, she heard someone else, probably Jack, saying, “Fuck!” and the sound of three footsteps quickly running away. Levi, on the other hand, she knew because he was the only one left now, let out a hostile, muffled growl and took two quick steps forward, “Where the fuck are you running, you goddamn cowards?”</p><p>However, he couldn’t make it further away, for Hanji who dizzily stumbled to where he was, stopped him with her hands on his shoulders. “Let them go,” she said. “That’s enough.”</p><p>Levi was close, close so close for her to hear his sharp, quick breaths, and their cold touch on her cheeks, and feel the way his shoulders and chest moving up and down under her hands, his scent; fresh leaves, soap, sweat and blood—</p><p>And the bruises on his face.</p><p>“Levi!” She gasped, and without thinking, she took his face in between her hands. “Levi, your face…” </p><p>There was blood on his lower lip and his nose, his right cheekbone was already taking the colour of a mix of purple, red, and blue another bruise was forming on his chin. There was also a little cut on his forehead, bleeding ever so slightly, but it was there. And it was there because of her.</p><p>Guilt punched her in the gut much harder than an actual, real punch would and it hurt a thousand times more than a simple blow of a fist would cause. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice trembled vaguely, and her eyes burned like ashes were splashed over them. “I am so sorry, Levi. My fault, it was my fault. I started it—”</p><p>“How the hell those brats knew about that ancient nickname,” Kenny muttered, coming to stand beside them. When Hanji looked up, she saw him face shadowed, and brows knitted. He seemed to be somewhat, just a little bit, terrifying. “Oi,” he said, coldly, staring down at both of them. “What the fuck is going on here?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Levi said, severely and pushed her hands away. He turned his bruised face to the other side, hiding his gaze and the expression that was placed in them from her. </p><p>“Your face says the opposite,” Kenny said, squinting and turned his gaze to Hanji. “Care to explain?”</p><p>“I—” she forced out, but she didn’t even know where to start. </p><p>“We can talk at home, Kenny.” Levi walked past them, without sparing a look at either Kenny or Hanji. “Leave her alone.” </p><p>He was mad, and he was right to be. Confirming it only made her feel even more shitty, and she bit her lip as to set a barricade to prevent herself from weeping like a baby just where she stood. She bent her head down when she started to walk behind him, both because of the guilt that weighed down on her and because looking ahead made her even dizzier and increased her headache along with her nausea. </p><p>Kenny sighed but kept quiet as he too joined them. The three walked in silence, Hanji kept on chewing her lower lip as she traced the lines of her shoes and the cracks, holes on the pavement. A hurricane roared; a whirlwind grabbed the submerged emotions and relentless thoughts inside of her and twirled them wildly. The harder she fought the easier she lost against them. Conscience was a prison one had to visit from time to time. And currently, she was stuck within, the key was missing, and the guard was cold-blooded and unsparing.</p><p>A hand, steady and warm grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to the side. Hanji looked up in surprise to see she was about to crash against a lamppost had Levi not drawn her aside. </p><p>“Careful,” he said.   </p><p>And it was his voice, low, smooth and gentle, and his hand which still held her not too tight but not too light either, or the way he moved his thumb on her shoulder, soothing, caring. It was all of them combined that in the end made her tear up.</p><p>She turned her blurry gaze to his face, he was staring ahead, his eyes were shining blue with the last rays of the sun and the blood on his lip and nose was almost dry now. She separated her lips to say <em>thank you </em>or <em>I’m sorry, </em>again, <em>I’m so sorry.  </em></p><p>
  <em> It was all my fault. </em>
</p><p>But the words died on her tongue, they never received a voice to come out alive, and he didn’t look back at her eyes. Instead, he squeezed her shoulder slightly as if to say, <em>it’s okay </em>.</p><p>She wasn’t necessarily convinced but for now, she chose to believe in him.</p><p>-</p><p>They were sitting in the living room of Levi’s house. Kenny was placed on a chair across from them, arms folded on his chest. She and Levi sat side by side on the couch. She was playing with her hands anxiously, her lip started to hurt from constantly chewing. Thankfully, her headache and nausea were better now.</p><p>They had arrived here about twenty minutes ago. Hanji couldn’t erase the look on Kuchel’s face when she saw Levi, blood and bruises all over his face, from her mind. Her face had turned white as the paint on the ceiling, making the guilt boil hotter and burn severely inside. </p><p>There was no escape now. Kuchel deserved to learn what had happened to her son. So, Hanji told them while she treated the wounds on her son’s face, albeit reluctantly and when she was finished the room was silent for a while. </p><p>Levi hissed as Kuchel cleaned the cleft on his lip. “Don’t tsk at me, boy,” Kuchel scolded him and attached a band-aid just under his lip. “You brought this upon yourself.”</p><p>“He didn’t,” Hanji objected. “Please don’t be mad at him, Kuchel. It was all my fault. I—”</p><p>“Shut up,” Levi snarled, suddenly.</p><p>“What?” Hanji asked, blinking.</p><p>“I said shut up!” Levi raised his voice, and when he looked at her at last, she saw the flames of his emotions rising up, up and up in his eyes.</p><p>“Levi,” Kuchel interrupted. “Calm down.”</p><p>Levi acted like she had never talked. “None of this was your fault!”</p><p>“But I started it,” Hanji attempted to say yet, he was too angry to listen.</p><p>“You didn’t start anything, Hanji! You protected yourself. You don’t walk around bullying people. You did what you did because they made you to.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“Stop blaming yourself for things you weren’t responsible for!”</p><p>He was breathing heavily, eyes wide and bright. Hanji was quite taken aback, lips parted slightly in surprise. She hadn’t expected him to yell at her like that. From his earlier reaction, she had thought that he was angry at her because she was the reason for what had happened to him. But now she saw, with a startling realization, that that wasn’t the reason at all.</p><p>“They deserved what happened to them,” he went on, then looked away. “I would do the same for ten times more if necessary.”</p><p>Words rolled left and right on her tongue, her voice lingered on her throat, sentences shaped before her eyes but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t let a sound out of her mouth. Levi was like a river, she thought then as she watched the tempest in his eyes, with canals and meanders, sometimes he was as tranquil as the leaves on summer trees and sometimes he was wild enough to overflow over the edges.</p><p>“We are going to talk about it later, young man,” Kuchel said, looking straight at Levi. </p><p>“What?” Levi asked, sharply.</p><p>“You can’t <em>go around </em>picking up a fight with strangers.”</p><p>“But they deserved it,” Levi pressed, jaw tightening stubbornly. </p><p>“I can understand the reason why you think that they did,” Kuchel went on with a softer voice. “But violence is not the answer. You know that.”</p><p>Levi turned his face away, his jaw moved as he pressed his lips together, and he folded his arms. “Whatever.”</p><p>“You should be thankful to that old lady who saw you getting your ass beaten,” Kenny told him, leaning back on his chair. As it turned out the reason why Kenny had found them was an old lady who had recognized Levi and informed Kenny about the situation. Hanji genuinely wanted to find and kiss her hands for being the nicest person alive.</p><p>“I learned from the best,” Levi snapped.</p><p>Kenny squinted and looked at Kuchel. “Permission to beat your brat as punishment?”</p><p>“No,” Kuchel said, rolling her eyes. </p><p>Levi smirked, and Kenny clicked his tongue, clearly irritated. </p><p>“Hanji,” Kuchel turned her attention to her, kneeling in front of Hanji and she pushed a stray hair behind her ear. “I need to talk to your parents about this, honey, okay? They need to know. This is serious.” She held her hand and squeezed lightly. “You don’t have to face this alone, alright?” Kuchel smiled. </p><p>Hanji bit her lower lip again when tears started sinking behind her eyes. She couldn’t find the strength to say anything, so she merely nodded in response. </p><p>“Don’t worry,” Kenny said then, crackling his fingers. “If a verbal warning doesn’t work, I can always teach them a more permanent lesson.”</p><p>“Kenny, they are only children. Don’t be ridiculous,” Kuchel rolled her eyes and shook her head. “And it will work. We will make sure of it.” She raised her brows. “Right?”</p><p>“Yes,” she managed to whisper at last. “Thank you.”</p><p>Oh, no. She was near the edge of crying, only needed one more push and then she would fall and get drown in her own, salty tears. For some reason, she didn’t want to cry in front of Kuchel. There was nothing wrong with crying, she knew that, but still…</p><p>Then, a hand, the same one from earlier, grabbed her own and pulled her up. Hanji let him, despite the unexpected movement, and as Levi guided her out of the room, she merely followed without saying a word. </p><p>“I am gonna take her home,” he informed Kuchel and Kenny shortly before they exited the room.  </p><p>The air was somewhat chilly outside, and the light of day was long lost but neither Levi nor Hanji were quite aware of it. Levi didn’t let go of her hand as he kept on pulling her, his steps were fast and determined, hand firm and warm around her fingers. She followed for a handful of seconds, trying to match his steps. She couldn’t get a clear view of the road, nor could she make out the lines of his figure from behind quite clearly. It took her several minutes before she pulled at his hand to make him listen, “Levi,” she called. “Levi, I don’t want to go home.”</p><p>He didn’t look back, he didn’t slow down, he didn’t even wait for her to reach him. “I know,” he said merely. </p><p>With those two simple words, the final push came at last, and tears let loose without a warning. She sobbed and covered her eyes with the inside of her elbow, hot tears wetted her thin raincoat. And Levi squeezed her fingers as if to say, <em>it’s okay</em>, and this time she really, truly believed that it was. </p><p>--</p><p>“Wait here for a second,” Levi stopped them minutes later. She didn’t know where they were. Now that it was darker, there were artificial, neon lights everywhere and they made her head throb. “Okay?”</p><p>She nodded and sniffed. Her face was wet with tears and very embarrassingly snot, however, she had no tissue with her or anything to clean her face with. </p><p>Levi sighed and stepped closer. Hanji wondered why he was still there while he had just told her to wait. Then he lifted his left hand, and she saw that he had pulled his t-shirt over his palm. His right hand held her shoulder and as Hanji blinked her eyes confused, he brought his hand over her face then cleaned each wet spot with his t-shirt. </p><p>She gawked at him in shock. “Levi!”</p><p>“Don’t.” He folded the fabric up after he was finished. “I don’t want to hear anything about this. Ever. Understood?”</p><p>She was still in awe; the great clean freak Levi Ackerman had just cleaned the <em>snot </em>in her face with his cloth! “You—”</p><p>“Understood, Hanji?”</p><p>It took much too effort to close her jaw, and say, “Yeah.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Then he walked away, leaving Hanji astonished and very much impressed. She felt her heart fluttering a little, and her lips curled upwards. “Softie,” she whispered to herself. </p><p>When he got back a few minutes later there was a bag in his hand and inside a couple of chocolate milk and her favourite snacks. “You hadn’t eaten anything,” he explained, and when they settled on their road to the roof, she smiled, looking at his side profile. <em> Softie</em>, indeed. </p><p>-</p><p>Hanji drank her milk, and they ate together the snacks he had brought. It eased her headache and appeased her nausea a little bit. She couldn’t look up at the stars though, what a shame.</p><p>“We should go to the same high school,” Levi said after they finished eating and were watching the view ahead.</p><p>Hanji beamed at him and shoved his shoulder with her own slightly. “Yeah, it would be great.”</p><p>She leaned on his shoulder afterwards and enjoyed the breeze, and his warmth she borrowed through the fabrics of their clothes. When minutes started to chase the hours slowly, the night got colder, and clouds started to gather up above. “We should—” </p><p>“I don’t want to see you getting hurt again,” he said, suddenly. </p><p>Hanji looked at him and saw it again. Levi was a river, high and low, wild and calm, complicated and wide. He flew through rocks, valleys and lands. Just like a river, she thought, he carried his emotions in an endless stream. And once she let herself be carried away with it, there was no way to escape. And it wasn’t like she looked for one in the first place.</p><p>“Can I hug you?” she asked, with a voice so low, it was as if she was afraid of hearing the word no.</p><p>“Idiot,” he said, and she saw the waters calming down in his eyes, and his voice was tender like the petal of a violet. “You never need to ask.”</p><p>She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, and as he hugged her back, arms tight around her waist she wasn’t quite surprised to realize that her vision was yet again blurry with hot tears. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For being there.”</p><p>“I always will be,” he replied without hesitation. And then a heartbeat later he added, “To the last syllable of recorded time.”</p><p>A tear escaped her eye, she laughed hoarsely and breathed in. He smelled like leaves, soap and the wind.</p><p>He smelled like home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so here it is</p><p>I am kind of sorry for the overload of Shakespeare in this chapter. I hope no one got bored to death while reading it or dropped it half-way through. Ironically though, this chapter was the reason why I started writing this whole thing yet I am not satisfied with it, at all.<br/>(But I mean Levi reading a part from R&amp;J? I realized how weird it was after writing it lol) </p><p>btw, about the "shaking pears" part, I was inspired by an iconic meme I had seen on Tumblr about a year ago. Unfortunately, I don't have the link to it, but yeah, it was brilliant. </p><p>In order, the quotes are from,<br/>Macbeth, Act I Scene IV<br/>Romeo and Juliet, Act II Scene III<br/>Macbeth, Act V Scene V<br/>Romeo and Juliet, Act I Scene V<br/>Hamlet, Act III Scene I</p><p>As always, and always will be, comments are very very much appreciated. Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I would recommend you to listen to "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars while reading. It helped me a lot to finally crank out this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hideous. It was the most hideous thing she had ever seen. </p><p>Hanji observed her reflection in the mirror, with her mouth twisted in disgust, each and every hair on her body standing on end. Her hair fell down from one shoulder as a short braid, its tip barely reaching the slightly visible bump on her chest under the school uniform.</p><p>“Disgusting,” she commented.</p><p>“You look beautiful,” her mother exclaimed, wiping the imaginary tear from under her eye. Hanji sent her a very Levi Ackerman signatured gaze from the mirror. “I hate it.”</p><p>Her mother approached her from behind. She was a little shorter than Hanji, her head merely reached her neck. The older woman put her hands on her shoulder and caressed gently. </p><p>Then, getting her mouth closer to her ear, she whispered, “You lost the bet, honey.”</p><p>That she had. Cold-bloodedly and ruthlessly lost a bet which should’ve been the last thing she would agree to let alone losing it in the first place. Never again would she challenge the instincts of her mother while watching a TV series and guessing whether the main character would live or die. </p><p>Worst, and biggest mistake of her life.</p><p>“Mom,” she whined, losing every drop of dignity she had with playing the emotional blackmail card. “Please. At least, don’t make me do this on the first day of high school.”</p><p>“Rules are rules,” her mother said, ignoring her entreaty then proceeded to fold the clothes piled on top of her bed. “And since when do you care about what people think about you?”</p><p>“It’s not that,” she sighed. “I just don’t feel like myself like this.” She pulled at her hair, wrinkling her face. </p><p>“You’re not a kid anymore, Hanji.” She walked to her closet and put the folded clothes inside one of the drawers. “Bear it for one day.”</p><p>“But I don’t want to.” She groaned, covering her face with her hands and lying her head backwards. </p><p>Hanji felt her mother come close, then her hands cleared the dust on her shoulders and fixed her hair. “Have a nice day at school.”</p><p>Hanji let out a frustrated moan which was very successfully brushed off by her mother.</p><p>“Morning,” she muttered insipidly while she entered the kitchen. A bowl of cereal was ready for her already and she poured milk inside of it as she sat down on one of the chairs.</p><p>“Morning, honey,” her father responded. Hanji noticed that his voice had faded towards the end. “Umm, you look, uh, nice.”</p><p>“Don’t,” she warned, her mouth full and directed her spoon threateningly towards her father. “Dad, don’t say another word.” </p><p>Her father’s face was very red as he obviously held back his laughter. He coughed into his hand and cleared his throat, nodding. “Yes, of course, of course.”</p><p>Just then, her phone vibrated with a text message. She didn’t need to look to know who it was from. “I’m leaving.”</p><p>“You’re not really mad at me, are you?” Her father asked as she got up from her seat and dropped her bag on her shoulder. </p><p>“No, dad, of course, I’m not.” She rolled her eyes and waved. “See you.”</p><p>Levi was waiting in front of the house, his back facing her. When he heard the sound of the door closing, he turned around. </p><p>And he froze.</p><p>“Levi, listen to me very carefully,” Hanji started calmly, while Levi stood as rigid as a stalactite. “If you so much as <em>breathe </em>I swear I’ll chase you to the school.”</p><p>Levi looked her over, with his customary, blank gaze which was almost impossible to read. Yet, Hanji knew him well, maybe better than he knew himself and she also knew that he was giving one of the biggest wars inside of himself to not give up and laugh at her face.</p><p>However, Levi Ackerman was not one to laugh. He had other ways to show his belittlement and mocking. He lifted his fist to his mouth, as his eyes shone vaguely with amusement and snorted, audibly. “Lookin’ good m’lady,” he said as if he was a 19th century English gentleman and was about to ask a high-born lady to dance in a flamboyant ball.</p><p>Frankly, Hanji didn’t even know what felt so wrong about braiding her hair, neatly and orderly on the first day of school. But for some reason, maybe because of the goddamn puberty she was going through—she was almost fifteen anyway—it irked her in a way nothing else did. And Levi was oh so aware of it.</p><p>“Ackerman!” Hanji snarled, as blood rushed to her cheeks in light speed and hence started their first-day marathon. </p><p>Levi had inhumanly fast reflexes. One second, he was standing in front of her, and the other he had already hurled himself to the street, running like a goddamn horse on a race. Hanji didn’t lose much time following after him, her steps were hard and fast on the ground. The braid her mother had so delicately made was winnowing left and right on her back as well as her backpack. </p><p>After almost ten minutes of exhausting and intense chasing, Levi was the first one to throw himself into the borders of the school. Hanji’s lungs were burning as if they had been exposed to hot, boiling water when she stumbled into the wide yard, breathing heavy and coughing miserably. Her neck, chest and back were all sticky with sweat. Levi was bent over, hands on his knees, his shoulders were rising and lowering with his fast inhales. He was tired too obviously.</p><p>But Hanji wasn’t done with him yet. </p><p>After her breaths more or less stabled and her heart quieted down, she sneaked up to him from behind being very aware of the crowd of students around them. No one cared about them just yet. And most certainly Hanji didn’t either. Levi slowly lifted his body, his schoolbag almost slipping down from his shoulder, and his neck shiny with droplets of sweat. He made the mistake of not checking what was behind him and hence gave Hanji the golden opportunity to jump onto his back.</p><p>“Hah!” she exclaimed. “You thought you could run away from me that easy—"</p><p>Her sentence was cut short when she realized that things weren’t going much as planned.</p><p>“Hanji!” he snarled and then, “Hanji, you fucking idiot!” Levi grabbed her legs and stumbled dangerously to the left. To where a table full of plastic glasses of lemonades was located. </p><p>“Oh no,” she gasped and held his shirt in her fists, tightly. “Oh, no. Levi, shit, watch out—"</p><p>So much for taking revenge. They both screamed at the same time when Levi couldn’t carry her sudden weight with his already tired and unstable body and together, they fell.</p><p>“Holy fuck!”</p><p>Hanji blinked her eyes. She was sitting on the ground, the ground which was wet with lemonade, as well as her uniform, her legs and she guessed, some parts of her hair. And if she was in such condition, then that also meant that Levi too—</p><p>A pair of arms wrapped around her neck from behind, making her gasp in shock. “Make your last wish, Zoe.” </p><p>“Levi,” she breathed, as he clung to his forearms with her hands. “Levi, please. Have mercy, have mercy!”</p><p>“In your goddamn dreams,” he tightened his arm around her neck just vaguely. Hanji knew he wouldn’t hurt her on purpose.</p><p>She couldn’t help it. She started to laugh. “I didn’t mean to—” she managed to say. “But you deserved it.”</p><p>He snarled right next to her ear. Oh, shoot. He was so, so pissed. “You’re dead.”</p><p>“The first day of high school,” an older and authoritative voice spoke from somewhere above them. Hanji looked up to see a man around his forties, with dark yellow hair and round glasses, wearing a well-ironed white shirt and black trousers. He had a blank, serious and bearded face. “And I see some of our newest students are already having fun.”</p><p>Hanji opened her mouth, unsure of what to say, or what excuses to line up, but Levi spoke before her. “It was my fault.”</p><p>“Levi!” she whispered harshly, turning her head slightly backwards to look at him. </p><p>“I am touched,” the man continued. Was he a teacher or someone else Hanji couldn’t exactly tell. He appeared to be way soberer to be one. “I didn’t know teens these days cared for each other this much. What are your names?”</p><p>“Levi,” he answered without so much delay.</p><p>“Hanji,” she followed right after.</p><p>The man nodded. “I am Adam Smith,” he introduced himself. “The headmaster.”</p><p><em> Oh, dear, </em>Hanji thought bitterly,<em> I wish I had the chance to look at my books one last time</em>. Then she closed her eyes, afraid of having to face Levi’s wrath. </p><p>“And this is my son.” </p><p>Surprised, and with a slight hope, she dared to have, Hanji half lifted her eyelids, and her eyes travelled up until they met a blond boy around their age who had eyes as blue as agate. He was the most clean-cut boy she had ever seen since Levi. His school uniform was ironed straight without a single wrinkle left, and his hair seemed like quite an effort had been spent on it just this morning. But he looked friendly. </p><p>“Erwin, escort your friends to their houses and make sure they come back until the end of the first class,” the headmaster ordered the tone and his expression not altering just a bit.  </p><p>“Yes, sir,” the boy affirmed, nodding. </p><p>Mr Smith then stared at Hanji and Levi. “I won’t give you two any punishment since it’s the first day of your high-school life,” he said, his eyes moving back and forth between the two of them, intensely. “But I won’t be as considerate as I am now in case of any further improper conduct.” </p><p>“Yes, sir,” Hanji said, successfully remembering the fact that she was able to speak. </p><p>“And young man,” the headmaster directed his piercing gaze to Levi. Hanji felt the rising and falling of his chest on her back. She wished she could see his face too. “Mind your language or else I might have to speak to your parents the next time.”</p><p>Hanji couldn’t see Levi’s reaction but he must’ve at least nodded for the headmaster soon turned around and started to walk towards the door of the building.</p><p>“Here, let me help you.” As soon as his father left their side, the boy, Erwin, extended his hands to them to help them get up. Hanji accepted the gesture with gratitude and smiled at him as she stood on her feet again. </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Levi stood up by himself and glared at Hanji then at Erwin. “Why the hell there was a table of lemonades on the goddamn schoolyard?” he asked, already forgetting the very threatening warning he had just received. </p><p>“My father thought it would help new students to get adapted easier,” Erwin explained. “I hadn’t thought it would work, to be honest.”</p><p>“Well, it didn’t.” </p><p>“I am Erwin,” the boy introduced himself then, nodded at Levi and smiled at Hanji. </p><p>“Hanji,” she said, beaming at him. “Say, Erwin, how is it like to be the son of the headmaster?”</p><p>“Complicated,” he replied gently. “I can tell you more on the way.”</p><p>“That would be great!” she exclaimed. “Right, Levi?”</p><p>He was still glaring at her, his clothes were half-wet, one side of his hair was sticky with lemonade, he looked like a forcefully bathed, grumpy cat. “I need to take a shower.”</p><p>“We don’t have that much time,” Hanji looked at Erwin for confirmation. “Can he?”</p><p>The boy shrugged. “Sure, if he makes it quick.”</p><p>Levi nodded then turned around toward the exit of the school. They started to walk behind him with Erwin. Hanji felt pretty much guilty watching him go, although she was the right one here in the first place. Still, she felt bad. She even felt more uncomfortable about the lemonade on him than on herself. </p><p>“Best friends?” he asked, probably noticing Hanji’s regretful gaze following the boy walking in front of them. </p><p>“Yeah,” she nodded, looking at him. “Childhood friends.”</p><p>Erwin hummed; his sharp, blue eyes moved to Levi. “He seems… intense.”</p><p>Hanji couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah,” she confirmed. “He kind of is.” </p><p>When they got out of the school borders, she realised she wouldn’t be able to keep this tense atmosphere any longer. She needed to talk to him. “Sorry,” she said, sheepishly. “Do you mind if I catch up to him?”</p><p>“No, of course. Go ahead.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she touched his arm. “It was nice to meet you by the way. I hope we’re in the same class.”</p><p>He smiled. “You too.”</p><p>Then she turned around and ran up to Levi, who was radiating his dark aura as if he was some kind of a nuclear weapon.</p><p>“Frailty, thy name is woman,” she recited when she reached up to him. Then bit her lower lip when he glared at her from the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>“You can’t stay mad at me forever, you know.”</p><p>“Watch me.”</p><p>“Leviii!” she exclaimed, then wrapped an arm around his neck. They stumbled together a little until they found their rhythm back. “I am sorry, okay? But I still think you kind of deserved it.”</p><p>“Get off me,” he pushed her lightly from the stomach. “You stink.”</p><p>“You stink too. We’re both sweaty.” She paused then added. “And we’ve just taken a lemonade shower.”</p><p>“And whose fault is that?”</p><p>“Of us both.”</p><p>He sighed. “Whatever.”</p><p>She watched his profile for a while. “Am I forgiven?”</p><p>He met her gaze, eyes searching hers. He didn’t seem much angry anymore. “I’ll consider it.”</p><p>She smirked. “Roof after school?”</p><p>He nodded without even stopping to think. Seemed like she was forgiven already. “Sure.”</p>
<hr/><p>At the end of the first month of high school on a supposedly autumn day, she was standing in front of his door, wearing a black, denim jacket, sweatpants and holding a scissor in her hands. </p><p>“Missed me?” she stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. Levi closed the door, eyeing her suspiciously.</p><p>“It’s been only two hours since I’ve last seen you.”</p><p>She gasped as she stepped out of her shoes. “It’s been precisely four hours, thirty-seven minutes and—” she looked at her watch briefly. “Forty seconds since you’ve last seen me. I can’t believe you can be this reckless about the time we spent apart, Levi. And you call me your best friend.”</p><p>“I am regretting that sometimes.” Hanji ignored him as she walked inside the house. “Where is everyone?”</p><p>“In their rooms,” Levi raised his brows. It was almost midnight. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“Do I need a reason?”</p><p>“In this hour, yes,” Levi said matter-of-factly. He had no problems with having her here, never had, but it was Friday, and he was kind of tired. “So?”</p><p>Hanji raised the big ass scissor with one hand. “I want you to cut my hair.”</p><p>“Your hair?” His eyes scanned her hair, as messy as always, brought together with a black hair tie on the top of her head as a ponytail. “Four-eyes, I think you mixed the buildings. The hairdresser is down the street, on your right.”</p><p>Hanji rolled her eyes then stepped closer to him. “I don’t want to go to a hairdresser. I want you to cut my hair.”</p><p>“Hanji I’ve never cut anyone’s hair. Are you out of your mind?”</p><p>Rather than answering, she pressed the scissor on his chest so much so that he almost felt it on his ribcage. Her eyes were resolute and serious. “I am going to give you all my power.”</p><p>Levi sighed; his eyes moved up to the ceiling. The yellow light dazzled his sight, and he wondered what the hell had he done to deserve this at this hour of the night. Yet, there was a part of him, a part he was sure controlled more by Hanji rather than himself, and that part kept up with her bizarre mind almost subconsciously. “Samson?” </p><p>“Yes.” She was smirking when Levi lowered his gaze from the ceiling to look at her. </p><p>Levi shook her head. “You should stop living your life by fictional or Biblical characters.”</p><p>“Where’s the fun in that?”</p><p>Levi took the scissor she was continuing to press upon his chest when she applied more pressure not so subtly to imply him to hold it. She took her jacket off when he did and started to climb the stairs. Levi fell into step with her without losing much time. </p><p>“Why do you want to cut your hair anyway?” He asked, wondering.</p><p>“Because I don’t want to be the subject of my mother’s evil deeds anymore,” she replied with a low, dark voice.</p><p>“You are the one who is adamantly losing the bets,” Levi reminded her. Meanwhile, they had started to walk towards the bathroom through the dark corridor. Levi turned the light on as he passed by the button, then followed Hanji into the bathroom. </p><p>“Whose side are you on?” </p><p>“Your mother, obviously.”</p><p>She threw him a nonchalant look, “Traitor.” Then she reached for her hair tie and pulled it off.</p><p><em>When had her hair grown so long? </em>Levi blinked as he watched the brown strands falling down from her shoulders in waves. Towards the end, a few of them were curling slightly on her back. He also noticed the different tones of brown; light, dark and chestnut, shading some parts of her hair. When her glasses followed the hair tie after, and Hanji put them on top of the washing machine along with her jacket, he asked, bewildered. “Who are you?”</p><p>She eyed him first like she was trying to figure out the reason why he was so shocked. It didn’t last long until the wheels sat in their places. “I am the evil twin,” she replied easily, with a glint in her eyes. “We have to wash my hair first.”</p><p>Oh? Hanji willingly offering to wash her hair? She was that desperate about cutting her hair then. “We?”</p><p>“I can’t wash it on my own. I am practically half-blind right now.”</p><p>“Just say you have no idea about being clean, and we can get it over with four-eyes.” Levi dropped the scissor on top of her jacket and bending over the bathtub he turned on the tap, waiting for the water to get hot enough.</p><p>“Who am I to talk in your presence, Your Cleanliness?” She said, then laughed at her own joke, tilting her head backwards.</p><p>“Shut up,” he had tried to be strict and curt, not that he had failed. If only he hadn’t snorted right after. “Idiot.”</p><p>To wash his best friend’s most of the time hygiene neglected hair was a once in a lifetime opportunity, so Levi took his sweet time, rubbing her scalp and her long locks with his shampoo two, three times until he was totally satisfied with the result. Hanji was restless as expected, she whined when shampoo got into her eyes and grunted when he pulled on her hair by mistake. Levi didn’t quite care about her complaints. She was the one to offer this whole thing after all.</p><p>After he thoroughly rinsed the shampoo out of her hair, he handed her a towel then got out of the bathroom to bring a chair for her to sit down.</p><p>When he came back, she was combing her hair in front of the mirror. “You sure about this?” he asked as he dropped the chair behind her and gestured her to sit down.</p><p>“Of course, I am.” Hanji settled down on the chair, and Levi, after getting the scissor back from the top of the washing machine, stood behind her. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”</p><p>“I am not promising a clean-cut,” he warned her beforehand and travelled his hand through her wet locks. The smell of the shampoo was clear and fresh and on the reflection in the misty mirror, her cheeks and eyes were vaguely red. She smiled when they made eye contact. </p><p>“I trust you.”</p><p>
  <em> Cut.</em>
</p><p>The brown strands fell on the white tile one after the other, the metal scissor was the only one making sound inside the bathroom. Levi tried his best to cut her hair in a straight line just above her shoulders as she had requested. He didn’t know if he made a good job or failed miserably and gave her the worst haircut of her whole life. And he wasn’t sure if Hanji was faking it or not, but she looked ecstatic when he was done with the cut.</p><p>“I love it!” She was grinning at her reflection, now standing in front of the mirror. “Thank you, Levi!” </p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Levi said, doubtfully. He was still pretty much convinced that she was pretending. “You’re welcome.”</p><p>The stupid grin stayed plastered on her face as she wore her glasses and tied her now quite short hair. It wasn’t a successful attempt. Only a quarter of her hair had managed to fit into the tie, the rest was falling off on her nape and around her face. </p><p>Hanji gave him a thumbs up when she saw the way he was watching her. Still not satisfied but thinking that if Hanji was happy then it was all good, Levi shrugged. “You’re gonna stay the night?”</p><p>She paused for a second, thinking. Then nodded seconds later. “I’ll text my mom.”</p><p>After cleaning the bathroom, Levi brought Hanji a set of clothes for her to change into. He then went back to his room to prepare his bed for the night.</p><p>“I am so tired,” Hanji said, yawning as she joined him after a few minutes. She closed the door and sat down on Levi’s bed. </p><p>“You can take the bed,” Levi offered and patted his own pillow which was lying on the head of the makeshift bed on the floor. “The sheets are clean.”</p><p>“How very nice of you,” she said, smiling.</p><p>Levi turned off the light before he got under the sheets. He lied on his back, watching the dark ceiling. Every now and then, a car swept by and its yellow headlights filtering through the curtains created shadow patterns above. </p><p>When only minutes passed by, “Levi,” Hanji called him softly.</p><p>“Hmm?” </p><p>“These sheets smell like you.”</p><p>“Oh?” He blinked up to the ceiling, and his mind made a quick tour around the events of the past two days. He must’ve forgotten to change them. “Well, shit.”</p><p>She laughed quietly, and Levi turned his head to the side looking up at her. “Sorry, do you want me to change them?”</p><p>“No, it’s okay.” She tossed over to lie face down. Half of her face was on the edge of the bed. He could make out the lines of her lips and nose, and fluttering eyelashes. “You always smell nice.”</p><p>“I smell—”</p><p>“Clean, I know,” she snickered. “Hey,” she said then.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What do you think about the high school?”</p><p>“An asylum stuffed with a bunch of arrogant teenagers.”</p><p>“You are a teenager too, Levi.”</p><p>“I am not arrogant.”</p><p>“No, right, you’re a clean freak.”</p><p>“And you are a half-mad genius. We blend in.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed, quietly. “We do.”</p><p>His eyelids got heavier and his breaths steadier when he thought the conversation was over for the night. Darkness lurked over him, it was deep and wide, and dominant. It demanded him to surrender, and he almost did until he heard Hanji’s voice again.</p><p>“I think our classmates are cool, though.”</p><p>He blinked open his eyes, “Yeah, some of them,” he muttered, voice dripping with sleep.</p><p>“Erwin is very intelligent,” Hanji went on, unaware. “He knows a lot of things. I think I like him the most. What about you?”</p><p>And just like that, he was wide awake again. “You sure do seem to get along really well,” he said bitterly, ignoring her question.</p><p>“Don’t tell me?” Levi heard the sheets rustling and felt Hanji looking down at him. “Are you jealous?”</p><p>“The hell does that mean?”</p><p>“So, you’re jealous.”</p><p>“Fuck off,” Levi turned his back to her, lying on his left.</p><p>A few blissful seconds passed in silence, then Hanji said, “You are though.”</p><p>“Am not.”</p><p>“Levi, come on,” Hanji urged his side until she made him lie on his back again. “Look,” she took the hand which was resting on his chest and enlaced their fingers. “You don’t need to be jealous. You know why?”</p><p>“I am not jealous. For fuck’s sake—”</p><p>“Because we are soulmates,” she cut him as if he never made a single word. “Which means there is nobody in the world who can understand you better than me,” she went on. “And there is nobody in the world who can understand me better than you.”</p><p>In the dark, Levi stared at their hands curled together, the tip of her fingertips was touching the back of his hand. And he pondered over how warm, smooth and somehow strong her hand felt against his. Strong as her existence, strong as her very soul and mind. Warm like the first days of summer and resilient like the frost-bound fist of a fallen soldier. She pressed their palms into each other, and as another car drove by the street Levi looked up to her face half-hidden in the shadows. Newly cut, damp hair resting like a dark nimbus on her cheek. Dark shades of her eyelashes were lined up on her cheekbones and they were reminding him of the beams around the sun. And she was staring at him like what she had just said was the only truth on earth. </p><p>He felt himself nodding, approving because she was right. Of course, she was.</p><p><em> I am an astronaut, </em>he thought abruptly, completely out of the blue <em> .    </em></p><p>“Goodnight,” she whispered then, he caught her smile just as the light vanished, and she was covered by darkness again. </p><p>Not entirely. It was innate in her. “Goodnight.”</p><p>He had no knowledge of the period after his conscience left the screen but until then he didn’t let go of her hand.</p><p>And neither did she.</p>
<hr/><p>“Hanjooo!” A muscular arm wrapped around her neck all of a sudden, while she was reading a book during the break, in front of the window on the school corridor. </p><p>“Hey, Mike,” she said, overcoming her shock at his sudden appearance. </p><p>Mike was a blond, green-eyed boy from her class. He was pretty tall and muscular for their age and she was almost certain that if the headmaster let him, he would absolutely grow a beard. “Are you free after school?”</p><p>“Umm, I guess?” She blinked. “Why are you asking?”</p><p>Mike smirked, playfully and kind of slyly. “I thought we could hang out together.”</p><p>“Together?” </p><p>“You and me,” Mike explained to be clear. </p><p>“You and— oh,” Hanji stopped as she kind of understood what Mike was implying. “But aren’t you, uh, I mean, don’t you have a thing for Na—”</p><p>Mike let go an uproarious laugh and patted her shoulder, almost making her choke on her own spit. “Joking, joking. We are thinking about hanging out after school. You know, me, Nana, Erwin, you and your little friend too if he would like.”</p><p>“You mean Levi?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>She hummed and shrugged. She didn’t think Levi would say no if she agreed to go. “I’ll ask him…”</p><p>Just then, she saw Levi climbing the stairs with Petra who was another classmate of theirs and one of Levi’s friends from middle school. They were talking at the same time; Levi was nodding to something Petra was telling him. The scene was quite ordinary, just two friends talking to each other, but Hanji had realized it was the mimics that were kind of different. The way Petra pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, the way she was smiling shyly at something Levi had said, the way Levi’s features were relaxed and almost soft as he talked to her.</p><p>And also, as for herself, the way she felt her shoulders tense, the way something murky, almost venomous walking tiptoe on her gut. It was a strange and unwelcomed feeling and she quickly got disposed of it as Levi moved his head and their gazes locked for a second before his eyes travelled down to her shoulder and he glared at it as if he had just seen his biggest enemy.</p><p>Petra touched his shoulder lightly and said something Hanji couldn’t hear, and he nodded absently while Petra walked away to the other direction toward the class after a brief glance at Hanji’s side.</p><p>Levi walked up to where Hanji and Mike were standing. “Hey!” she greeted him, smirking.</p><p>He squinted at Mike who was retreating his arm from around her shoulder at the time and nodded at her stifly. </p><p>“I’ll see you after school, then,” Mike said. “You too, man,” he added addressing Levi, then turned around to walk up to Erwin who was sitting at one of the tables placed next to the wall.</p><p>“What is that giant talking about?” Levi asked after Mike left. </p><p>“Well, buckle up,” Hanji told him while shutting her book with a thud. “We’ve got plans after school.”</p><p>-</p><p>It was February, and it was cold.</p><p>The five of them were walking through a park, all around there were giant, old and naked trees that were reaching high up to the sky. On the earth below them, thousands of pale leaves were piled up. The colours of fall were still visible here and there, on the yellow, orange and red skins of the leaves, on the pine trees down the road, on the dry rustle of the brown branches. </p><p>“How pretty,” she cooed.</p><p>As Mike suggested they were hanging out after school. If walking through a park counted as hanging out that is. Erwin, Nanaba and Mike were walking before them while Levi and Hanji were following them right behind.</p><p>“What is?” Levi asked.</p><p>“The colour of fall,” she replied with a smile.</p><p>“It is Winter,” he objected but looked around himself nonetheless then hummed confirming. </p><p>“Hey,” she urged his shoulder lightly. “Wanna race to that tree?”</p><p>Levi followed the direction Hanji’s head gestured with his eyes. A single tree just some miles away from where they were. “Why would I race with someone knowing they will lose?”</p><p>Hanji scoffed, “Don’t underestimate me.”</p><p>“Are you challenging?”</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>She put an arm on his chest to stop him from walking any further. “On three.”</p><p>They took position side by side. Hanji felt her mouth curling up, and a peal of laughter shaped on her throat, but she avoided it from going out and counted to three instead. “Go!”</p><p>They both hurled forward at the same time and she felt their friends looking at them surprised as they ran past them, but within minutes Levi was far beyond her. Like the first day of school, he was running like his life was depending on it, his dark hair a wild wave and his steps seemed like he was more like flying than running. Hanji was laughing breathlessly as she forced her legs to their limits, her short hair sticking to her nape with sweat, and she ran, ran and ran to the tree with him, with a wind he carried, the storm he ruled. As if she were a ship without a helm so she merely let the wind lead her to the harbour. </p><p>Levi won, in the end, but he lost his balance when Hanji, unable to slow down, crashed against his back. Along with grunts, swears and laughter they fell down, lying side by side on top of the leaves. Breathing heavily and loudly, chest moving up and down, watching the clouds sliding slowly one by one. </p><p>She turned her head towards him, still breathing hard and traces of laughter on her lips and she saw him looking upwards with the slightest but peaceful curl of his mouth. His eyes shone like the sand under the midday sun, like invaluable pieces of stone, like the surface of the moon. The colour of fall around his head, sweaty, raven hair scattered on the leaves whose time had long passed. The red colour of fall on his cheeks, because of the cold and because of their race. For the first time, she realised how dark his eyelashes were. Black like the wings of a crow, the feathers of a raven. </p><p>For the first time, she realised how beautiful he was.</p><p><em> Beautiful? </em>The word startled her like an unexpected jolt of lightning. She almost winced, frozen on the spot. She didn’t know why, she couldn’t name the curl, crawls on her stomach. She also didn’t know the reason why she felt like crying, her breath hitched, her eyes wide, <em>te</em><em>rrified</em>. She couldn’t understand what felt so wrong about this but somehow it was undoubtedly close to denying gravity. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>He was staring at her, a frown shaped on his face. She winced visibly; she hadn’t noticed him looking back at her. </p><p>“What?” she asked.</p><p>“Are you okay?” His frown deepened. </p><p>“Yes,” she lied and quickly stood up albeit a little clumsily. Then fixed her clothes and hair. “Perfectly fine.”</p><p>He was looking suspicious as he too stood up. “You sure?”</p><p>She nodded drastically, avoiding meeting his eyes. “Let’s go join the others.”</p><p>Then she turned around without giving him a chance to speak. Crashing whatever had happened just now with each step she took and relentlessly stepping on the wildflower she felt sprouting within her stomach.</p><p>-</p><p>Watching the way the flames moved was addicting. She couldn’t take her eyes away from the dancing fire, the red knots flying around it like fireflies, the transit of colours from tip to the end and the crackling sound it made. It was a good enough distraction from her uninvited thoughts. </p><p>“Didn’t think this was what they meant by hanging up.” He sat down next to her on the sand. They were on the beach, stupidly challenging against the cold weather. </p><p>She smiled playfully. “Why? Did you think we would go to a party and get tanked up?”</p><p>Levi threw her an unimpressed look, “No. I thought we would go to a café with an air conditioner and drink hot tea.”</p><p>He got a point, she couldn’t deny. “They managed to make a fire though,” Hanji said, extending her hands toward it. </p><p>“Yeah, I am impressed.” </p><p>She snorted lightly and wondered where the other three had been. They had gone to buy beverages and snacks to eat about ten minutes ago. </p><p>“Hey.” Hanji felt him sliding closer to her. Their shoulders almost touched. “Are you okay?”</p><p>She nodded watching the flames with unfocused eyes. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>She looked at him then to find him watching her carefully, with his full attention on her. She thought about the wildflower, and as she sought a solution, she found it on him again. “We are besties forever, right?”</p><p>Seemingly confused, Levi frowned vaguely, trying to see beyond her words. And maybe he did or maybe not when he replied she almost lost her courage to continue. “No, not forever.” It lasted for merely seconds because she had understood what he was coming to. “To the last syllable of recorded time,” they said at the same time, echoing each other. </p><p>She smirked, as he chuckled. “I can’t believe you make me say it every time.” </p><p>“I don’t make you say it,” she said, matter-of-factly. “You are saying it willingly.”</p><p>He grunted and looked away, a smile stayed hanging on the corner of his lips, the flames painted his face, played with the colour of his eyes. It was there, the word, so close to invade her mind yet again with guns and rifles. It was that perilous to let it stay because it would only cause a ravage in her mind. </p><p>For that, she looked away too.</p><p><em> Do not water the plant, </em>she thought to herself. <em>Let it grow old and decayed. Let it fade away. </em> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For those of you who had been waiting for an update, I'm so so sorry that it took me this long. I don't even know why. I had this chapter planned out months ago, yet it was quite a struggle to actually write everything down. I am of course not satisfied with it at all but I didn't want to postpone it any longer. I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless and feedback would be great as always. I truly appreciate all the comments and kudos so far. Thank you so much for reading! &lt;3</p>
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